I‘ve been feeling impressed to read and begin meditating on Psalm 139. I absolutely love this scripture, because it reminds me that I was created by a loving and powerful God, and that He formed me perfectly. I am His great masterpiece! He delights in me and calls me GOOD! As a woman who still struggles at times understanding the depth of God’s love, this is always a refreshing read. Today, I’ve been chewing on the last few verses:
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
This is my heart’s cry, that God would examine my heart and reveal anything in me that brings offense to His heart. But I think it’s been a while since I’ve actually verbalized this prayer. I mean, it’s always in my heart and God knows what’s in my heart, so why pray it, right? But there is just something about coming before the creator of Heaven and earth in a posture of humility, and asking Him to search me, to know me, to find those things that aren’t pleasing in me; to bring them forth out of darkness into the light. Let’s face it, it is not easy to face ourselves, is it? It’s easier to shut the door on those things and tell ourselves we will deal with them later. But God’s heart is that we allow Him to come in and take those things, to clean us up so that we don’t have to look at them anymore.
Even though God knows my thoughts, and that my desire is to live uprightly, when I verbally pray and make this request known, it tells God that I am opening up the door of my heart and giving Him permission and access to those very places that remain hidden from anyone else but Him. And it doesn’t always mean that I am trying to keep these things hidden. It might be that I haven’t yet realized the extent of what is there. But when I ask, when I invite Him in, it’s at that moment when He comes and begins to gently bring to light those things that would rather remain in the darkness — selfishness, bad attitudes, fear, anxiety, jealousy, anger, etc. He already knows these things are in my heart. He will do it anyways, but I would rather He do it announced and invited rather than sneaking up on me and catching me off guard, wouldn’t you? I don’t want to have to wrestle with God. I want to allow him to work in me gently while I am at rest.
So here I am Lord. I give you full access to those places in my heart that need a clean sweep from You. Search me and know me and reveal to me all those things that offend you and keep me from pursuing you with my whole heart. I want to be closer to you Lord. Thank you for the gentle and loving way you hold my heart. You are a GOOD and loving daddy and I trust you with my heart.
Do you trust the Lord with your heart today?