44 In Faith

Breaking Off The Lies

On the first night that I attended the Fascinate Conference, the speaker was talking about how the Lord had shown him that there were many young people there who had an unhealthy view of themselves, and even deal with issues of self-hatred.  I have dealt with low self-esteem most of my life, but always believed that I had grown in this area and taken back ground I had previously given to the enemy.  Boy was I wrong!  On that night, the speaker gave an alter call for young people to come forward who were dealing with self-hatred.  And even though my heart was being pulled, I did not go up for prayer that night.  After all, here I was, a woman in her 40’s who was still hanging on to an unhealthy self-image in many ways.  I was embarrassed. I was scared.  What if I went forward for prayer and nothing happened?  I wanted to feel different on the inside and I did not want to come away disappointed.  So instead, I sat there in my seat, and became a spectator as I watched all of these young teenagers, as well as adults, come and ask God to break the lies so that they could be free.I left the conference center that night with such a deep longing in my spirit and a sadness I could not explain. I went back to my room and cried.  I poured my heart out to God, asking Him to help me to see myself as He does.  Slowly, in the wee hours of the morning, God began to move on my heart. I admitted that I had been believing lies…lies that told me I wasn’t beautiful; lies that said I was too old to accomplish anything meaningful in my life; lies that told me my past sin had somehow prevented me from walking in a greater anointing.  I remember laying there weeping and praying and asking God for forgiveness, and at some point I fell asleep.

On the second night I attended the conference, a different speaker was sharing how when we come into agreement with the lies of the enemy about ourselves, we are then making an accusation against God.  He pointed out that when we accuse God, our Creator, of not knowing what He was doing when He created us, how then can we be free in any area of your life?  This grieved my spirit, and was confirmation that God was wanting me to allow Him to break down the walls of protection that I’ve placed around myself…walls I have erected based on the lies I’ve believed…and walls which I put up to protect myself from being hurt and disappointed.
So this time, when the speaker called out for those dealing with self-hatred to come, I went.  I stood in the prayer line, arms crossed and head bowed, a little embarrassed.  Even at that point, I was afraid of what others may think about me. And not to mention, my son saw me go forward.  What was he thinking?  But slowly, as I stood there and cried and worshiped, I began to feel His presence and the walls became a little less thick. I received prayer and even though I did not feel any different, I know that God will complete the work which He started.

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6-NIV)

I have made a decision to free myself once and for all of this baggage of self-hatred that I’ve been carrying around most of my life. I know this will take time and some things I will not be able to walk through on my own, but I am fortunate to have a group of people around me who have been trained in inner-healing who can walk me through renouncing the lies, asking God’s forgiveness for ever accusing Him of making me anything less than perfect in His eyes, and helping me to walk out my freedom.  I will be relying on the truth of God, what He says about me, which will bring me freedom.

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  (John 8:32-NLT)

I will have a couple of posts coming soon from revelations the Lord brought to me during my time with Him in The Prayer Room during my trip to the KC-IHOP.

Blessings!

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44 Comments

  • Reply
    Cranberry Morning
    July 2, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Good post! Praise God for the message you heard that spoke to your heart! It is true that without God we are nothing, but as children of God, we are joint heirs with Christ! How amazing and wonderful!

  • Reply
    Cranberry Morning
    July 2, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Good post! Praise God for the message you heard that spoke to your heart! It is true that without God we are nothing, but as children of God, we are joint heirs with Christ! How amazing and wonderful!

  • Reply
    Cranberry Morning
    July 2, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Good post! Praise God for the message you heard that spoke to your heart! It is true that without God we are nothing, but as children of God, we are joint heirs with Christ! How amazing and wonderful!

  • Reply
    Cranberry Morning
    July 2, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Good post! Praise God for the message you heard that spoke to your heart! It is true that without God we are nothing, but as children of God, we are joint heirs with Christ! How amazing and wonderful!

  • Reply
    Hannah
    July 2, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    This was beautiful Barbie. I've been holding onto so many lies lately–lies telling me that my past sin determines who I am, and who I can and cannot become. Lies telling me that I am worthless and there is no way that God would save me. Just lies lies lies. And it hurts to ask him to take them away–it reminds me of the C. S. Lewis book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when Aslan was peeling away Eustace's dragon skin and it just killed. But in the end, we can be whole and healed again. It's just such a beautiful picture.

    As a side note, I'm listening to your theme song right now, and it fits so well with this post and your entire blog. Choosing life over death. Growing. Blooming. Beautiful.

    Much love to you!
    –Hannah

  • Reply
    Hannah
    July 2, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    This was beautiful Barbie. I've been holding onto so many lies lately–lies telling me that my past sin determines who I am, and who I can and cannot become. Lies telling me that I am worthless and there is no way that God would save me. Just lies lies lies. And it hurts to ask him to take them away–it reminds me of the C. S. Lewis book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when Aslan was peeling away Eustace's dragon skin and it just killed. But in the end, we can be whole and healed again. It's just such a beautiful picture.

    As a side note, I'm listening to your theme song right now, and it fits so well with this post and your entire blog. Choosing life over death. Growing. Blooming. Beautiful.

    Much love to you!
    –Hannah

  • Reply
    Hannah
    July 2, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    This was beautiful Barbie. I've been holding onto so many lies lately–lies telling me that my past sin determines who I am, and who I can and cannot become. Lies telling me that I am worthless and there is no way that God would save me. Just lies lies lies. And it hurts to ask him to take them away–it reminds me of the C. S. Lewis book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when Aslan was peeling away Eustace's dragon skin and it just killed. But in the end, we can be whole and healed again. It's just such a beautiful picture.

    As a side note, I'm listening to your theme song right now, and it fits so well with this post and your entire blog. Choosing life over death. Growing. Blooming. Beautiful.

    Much love to you!
    –Hannah

  • Reply
    Hannah
    July 2, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    This was beautiful Barbie. I've been holding onto so many lies lately–lies telling me that my past sin determines who I am, and who I can and cannot become. Lies telling me that I am worthless and there is no way that God would save me. Just lies lies lies. And it hurts to ask him to take them away–it reminds me of the C. S. Lewis book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when Aslan was peeling away Eustace's dragon skin and it just killed. But in the end, we can be whole and healed again. It's just such a beautiful picture.

    As a side note, I'm listening to your theme song right now, and it fits so well with this post and your entire blog. Choosing life over death. Growing. Blooming. Beautiful.

    Much love to you!
    –Hannah

  • Reply
    Heather
    July 2, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Wow! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this message! I cannot tell you how perfectly timed it is for what I have been struggling with lately. I, too, have believed lies the enemy has told me about myself. The revealing truth that I am agreeing with Satan in accusing God puts the whole thing in perspective and cuts like a knife in my soul. Again, thank YOU! And thanks to God for touching your heart.

  • Reply
    Heather
    July 2, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Wow! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this message! I cannot tell you how perfectly timed it is for what I have been struggling with lately. I, too, have believed lies the enemy has told me about myself. The revealing truth that I am agreeing with Satan in accusing God puts the whole thing in perspective and cuts like a knife in my soul. Again, thank YOU! And thanks to God for touching your heart.

  • Reply
    Heather
    July 2, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Wow! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this message! I cannot tell you how perfectly timed it is for what I have been struggling with lately. I, too, have believed lies the enemy has told me about myself. The revealing truth that I am agreeing with Satan in accusing God puts the whole thing in perspective and cuts like a knife in my soul. Again, thank YOU! And thanks to God for touching your heart.

  • Reply
    Heather
    July 2, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Wow! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this message! I cannot tell you how perfectly timed it is for what I have been struggling with lately. I, too, have believed lies the enemy has told me about myself. The revealing truth that I am agreeing with Satan in accusing God puts the whole thing in perspective and cuts like a knife in my soul. Again, thank YOU! And thanks to God for touching your heart.

  • Reply
    Leah
    July 2, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Interesting point the speaker made about where real freedom starts, simply by trusting God and denouncing the lies. I'm sure I believe more of them still than I even realize. I'm so glad God brought awareness to you in this area, and that you have such a wonderful support system to walk you through. (And relations to the Johnsons in your church, even!) And just to bless you a bit today, I think you are totally gorgeous Barbie. Inside AND out!!

  • Reply
    Leah
    July 2, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Interesting point the speaker made about where real freedom starts, simply by trusting God and denouncing the lies. I'm sure I believe more of them still than I even realize. I'm so glad God brought awareness to you in this area, and that you have such a wonderful support system to walk you through. (And relations to the Johnsons in your church, even!) And just to bless you a bit today, I think you are totally gorgeous Barbie. Inside AND out!!

  • Reply
    Leah
    July 2, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Interesting point the speaker made about where real freedom starts, simply by trusting God and denouncing the lies. I'm sure I believe more of them still than I even realize. I'm so glad God brought awareness to you in this area, and that you have such a wonderful support system to walk you through. (And relations to the Johnsons in your church, even!) And just to bless you a bit today, I think you are totally gorgeous Barbie. Inside AND out!!

  • Reply
    Leah
    July 2, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Interesting point the speaker made about where real freedom starts, simply by trusting God and denouncing the lies. I'm sure I believe more of them still than I even realize. I'm so glad God brought awareness to you in this area, and that you have such a wonderful support system to walk you through. (And relations to the Johnsons in your church, even!) And just to bless you a bit today, I think you are totally gorgeous Barbie. Inside AND out!!

  • Reply
    Kristen
    July 2, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing. I know that I too have experienced this. Reading your post really makes a gal think about things. I think many women have experienced this and unless we do something about it (be it going in front of people or on our own) the lies will continue. Big hugs.

  • Reply
    Kristen
    July 2, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing. I know that I too have experienced this. Reading your post really makes a gal think about things. I think many women have experienced this and unless we do something about it (be it going in front of people or on our own) the lies will continue. Big hugs.

  • Reply
    Kristen
    July 2, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing. I know that I too have experienced this. Reading your post really makes a gal think about things. I think many women have experienced this and unless we do something about it (be it going in front of people or on our own) the lies will continue. Big hugs.

  • Reply
    Kristen
    July 2, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing. I know that I too have experienced this. Reading your post really makes a gal think about things. I think many women have experienced this and unless we do something about it (be it going in front of people or on our own) the lies will continue. Big hugs.

  • Reply
    Paula
    July 2, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    It's a daily struggle not to believe the lies…but our God is stronger than that struggle. Praise God that His truth will prevail. Great post Barbie. Thanks for dropping by my blog. I'll be praying daily for your family's finances.

  • Reply
    Paula
    July 2, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    It's a daily struggle not to believe the lies…but our God is stronger than that struggle. Praise God that His truth will prevail. Great post Barbie. Thanks for dropping by my blog. I'll be praying daily for your family's finances.

  • Reply
    Paula
    July 2, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    It's a daily struggle not to believe the lies…but our God is stronger than that struggle. Praise God that His truth will prevail. Great post Barbie. Thanks for dropping by my blog. I'll be praying daily for your family's finances.

  • Reply
    Paula
    July 2, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    It's a daily struggle not to believe the lies…but our God is stronger than that struggle. Praise God that His truth will prevail. Great post Barbie. Thanks for dropping by my blog. I'll be praying daily for your family's finances.

  • Reply
    Janette@Janette's Sage
    July 2, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    Great post…heard these teachings before and I am sure I received some layer of healing at that time, but this reminds me of not picking it back up and continuing to go forward.
    I am reading Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity" and seeing where I still need to get free….and I am 49!!!
    I hope my children see that even at 49 God is still working!!!
    Blessings to you…wonderful word…you sound energized!!! You sound refreshed!!!! Sounds like prayers offered up were answered,
    Janette

  • Reply
    Janette@Janette's Sage
    July 2, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    Great post…heard these teachings before and I am sure I received some layer of healing at that time, but this reminds me of not picking it back up and continuing to go forward.
    I am reading Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity" and seeing where I still need to get free….and I am 49!!!
    I hope my children see that even at 49 God is still working!!!
    Blessings to you…wonderful word…you sound energized!!! You sound refreshed!!!! Sounds like prayers offered up were answered,
    Janette

  • Reply
    Janette@Janette's Sage
    July 2, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    Great post…heard these teachings before and I am sure I received some layer of healing at that time, but this reminds me of not picking it back up and continuing to go forward.
    I am reading Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity" and seeing where I still need to get free….and I am 49!!!
    I hope my children see that even at 49 God is still working!!!
    Blessings to you…wonderful word…you sound energized!!! You sound refreshed!!!! Sounds like prayers offered up were answered,
    Janette

  • Reply
    Janette@Janette's Sage
    July 2, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    Great post…heard these teachings before and I am sure I received some layer of healing at that time, but this reminds me of not picking it back up and continuing to go forward.
    I am reading Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity" and seeing where I still need to get free….and I am 49!!!
    I hope my children see that even at 49 God is still working!!!
    Blessings to you…wonderful word…you sound energized!!! You sound refreshed!!!! Sounds like prayers offered up were answered,
    Janette

  • Reply
    Lea
    July 2, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    Oh, I'm so happy for you Barbie and the revelation the Lord has given to you. Blessings to you as you proceed in the TRUTH of His Word. Thanks for dropping by and a big Happy Birthday to you tomorrow! Hugs!

  • Reply
    Lea
    July 2, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    Oh, I'm so happy for you Barbie and the revelation the Lord has given to you. Blessings to you as you proceed in the TRUTH of His Word. Thanks for dropping by and a big Happy Birthday to you tomorrow! Hugs!

  • Reply
    Lea
    July 2, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    Oh, I'm so happy for you Barbie and the revelation the Lord has given to you. Blessings to you as you proceed in the TRUTH of His Word. Thanks for dropping by and a big Happy Birthday to you tomorrow! Hugs!

  • Reply
    Lea
    July 2, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    Oh, I'm so happy for you Barbie and the revelation the Lord has given to you. Blessings to you as you proceed in the TRUTH of His Word. Thanks for dropping by and a big Happy Birthday to you tomorrow! Hugs!

  • Reply
    Brenda Susan
    July 2, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    I am happy for you Barbie! Due to some childhood experiences, I too had great self-hatred. God slowly and carefully pulled the ugly layers of lies off me like an onion. My healing began in my early 40's also and I even recall a day when I could feel the next layer coming off and hearing Him say, "This is the last of it Sweetheart."

    Today at 55 I am free and being kept busy learning how to live in a completely new way! God will complete what He has begun, rest in Him, enjoy worshiping Him and He will do the work.
    Blessings!

  • Reply
    Brenda Susan
    July 2, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    I am happy for you Barbie! Due to some childhood experiences, I too had great self-hatred. God slowly and carefully pulled the ugly layers of lies off me like an onion. My healing began in my early 40's also and I even recall a day when I could feel the next layer coming off and hearing Him say, "This is the last of it Sweetheart."

    Today at 55 I am free and being kept busy learning how to live in a completely new way! God will complete what He has begun, rest in Him, enjoy worshiping Him and He will do the work.
    Blessings!

  • Reply
    Brenda Susan
    July 2, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    I am happy for you Barbie! Due to some childhood experiences, I too had great self-hatred. God slowly and carefully pulled the ugly layers of lies off me like an onion. My healing began in my early 40's also and I even recall a day when I could feel the next layer coming off and hearing Him say, "This is the last of it Sweetheart."

    Today at 55 I am free and being kept busy learning how to live in a completely new way! God will complete what He has begun, rest in Him, enjoy worshiping Him and He will do the work.
    Blessings!

  • Reply
    Brenda Susan
    July 2, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    I am happy for you Barbie! Due to some childhood experiences, I too had great self-hatred. God slowly and carefully pulled the ugly layers of lies off me like an onion. My healing began in my early 40's also and I even recall a day when I could feel the next layer coming off and hearing Him say, "This is the last of it Sweetheart."

    Today at 55 I am free and being kept busy learning how to live in a completely new way! God will complete what He has begun, rest in Him, enjoy worshiping Him and He will do the work.
    Blessings!

  • Reply
    Laura The Artist
    July 4, 2010 at 11:06 pm

    Hey friend…sometimes we have to struggle just to hold on to what we learned. It seems like just when I get a revelation like yours, that is when I must fight to keep it. I love you friend, and I am grateful for you.

  • Reply
    Laura The Artist
    July 4, 2010 at 11:06 pm

    Hey friend…sometimes we have to struggle just to hold on to what we learned. It seems like just when I get a revelation like yours, that is when I must fight to keep it. I love you friend, and I am grateful for you.

  • Reply
    Laura The Artist
    July 4, 2010 at 11:06 pm

    Hey friend…sometimes we have to struggle just to hold on to what we learned. It seems like just when I get a revelation like yours, that is when I must fight to keep it. I love you friend, and I am grateful for you.

  • Reply
    Laura The Artist
    July 4, 2010 at 11:06 pm

    Hey friend…sometimes we have to struggle just to hold on to what we learned. It seems like just when I get a revelation like yours, that is when I must fight to keep it. I love you friend, and I am grateful for you.

  • Reply
    Jacquie
    July 12, 2010 at 12:51 am

    It sounds like you had an amazing time at IHOP! The Lord has been working on several areas in my heart over the last several months, thanks to watching some of the Awakening services via the webstream. It's amazing how many people struggle with self-hatred, myself included, and how the enemy loves to use those lies to immoblize us! Here's to freedom and victory and healing and growing through the power and work of Jesus and the Holy Spirit! 🙂

  • Reply
    Jacquie
    July 12, 2010 at 12:51 am

    It sounds like you had an amazing time at IHOP! The Lord has been working on several areas in my heart over the last several months, thanks to watching some of the Awakening services via the webstream. It's amazing how many people struggle with self-hatred, myself included, and how the enemy loves to use those lies to immoblize us! Here's to freedom and victory and healing and growing through the power and work of Jesus and the Holy Spirit! 🙂

  • Reply
    Jacquie
    July 12, 2010 at 12:51 am

    It sounds like you had an amazing time at IHOP! The Lord has been working on several areas in my heart over the last several months, thanks to watching some of the Awakening services via the webstream. It's amazing how many people struggle with self-hatred, myself included, and how the enemy loves to use those lies to immoblize us! Here's to freedom and victory and healing and growing through the power and work of Jesus and the Holy Spirit! 🙂

  • Reply
    Jacquie
    July 12, 2010 at 12:51 am

    It sounds like you had an amazing time at IHOP! The Lord has been working on several areas in my heart over the last several months, thanks to watching some of the Awakening services via the webstream. It's amazing how many people struggle with self-hatred, myself included, and how the enemy loves to use those lies to immoblize us! Here's to freedom and victory and healing and growing through the power and work of Jesus and the Holy Spirit! 🙂

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