Am I Good Enough?
I began reading this book today. Can I just tell you that God is doing another deep work in my heart. I am not sure I was prepared for it. I mean, when I signed up to review the book (which will come later), I knew it was going to move me, but I didn’t realize the layers of skin that would be peeled off, revealing a raw, aching heart, longing to belong. Longing to be enough. Longing to make Him and others proud.
Just tonight as I was winding down catching up on my favorite blogs, I came across Kimberly’s post, about not finding our worth in how others see us. And Nikki’s post about fearing that we aren’t enough. And I knew that I had to sit down and process the thoughts swirling around in my own head. I had to face this fear of not measuring up, of not being enough, head on.
Most days, I do not feel good enough.
I don’t feel like a good mom.
I don’t feel like a good wife.
I don’t feel like a good friend.
I don’t feel like a good writer.
One common thread I notice here is that I don’t feel……
I am basing my self worth, my value, on my feelings. Am I good enough? This is not a question that can or should be answered based on how I am feeling in the moment. I have hard days. I have days where I fall short. I have days where I yell at my kids, or discourage my husband. And then the feelings come. Those scheming lies full of nothing but guilt and shame. They lie and tell me that I am less than, that I will never be good enough. Some days, I wish I didn’t feel anything. I seem to constantly be in a battle between emotions based on feelings and believing the truth of who God says that I am. God gave me my emotions. But He is to be Lord over my mind, will AND emotions! Will I trust my emotions to tell me of my worth, or will I believe that IN Christ, I AM good enough?
I was created in His image, full of promise and purpose. But when I consistently tell myself that I am not good enough, I am telling God that what He created is less than perfect. So then the ole cliche phrase, “be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet” takes on a whole new meaning. For me, it’s not about growing up in spiritual maturity, but it’s about, “oh, thank goodness He’s got more work to do in me so that I will be better, do better, and feel better about myself”.
The truth is, I will never be good enough. In and of myself, I can do nothing.
My love for my husband and children is not good enough. But His love in me is enough.
My words of encouragement to others are not good enough. But His words in me are enough.
My light in a dark world is not good enough. But His light in me is enough.
I am a weak vessel. But I can draw strength from the source. The One who draws near to me, when I draw near to Him. He has called me to abide. To remain in Him, so that He will remain in me. And so I come, in my weakness, in my filthy rags. I come with dirty hands that have become scarred and worn from trying and working so hard to fit myself into a mold. But this being good enough, it’s not about working. It’s not about doing. It’s about being. It’s about realizing that only IN HIM will I ever be good enough.
“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5)
I am good enough because He choose me before the foundations of the world.
I am good enough because He called me His own.
I am good enough because He is strength when I am weak.
I am good enough because He is light in my darkness.
I am good enough because He equips those He calls.
I am only good enough because I said Yes to His will and to His ways.
Am I good enough?
I am striving to believe this truth. How about you?