35 In Faith

A Letter To My Younger Self

I’ve been wanting to write this letter for a while.  My heart is so full of things that I want to tell you.  I know that I cannot change the past, but I hope that this letter will somehow allow us both to continue to walk in healing.

Do you remember when you were a little girl, maybe 4 or 5 years old, how you would huddle in a corner by yourself?  Do you remember how you felt uncared for and wondered why no one was paying attention to you?  I understand how your heart felt in those moments.   I understand how you wished you could have disappeared and not have to endure the pain of living one more day wondering why you weren’t loved.

Oh precious one, I am here to tell you that you are loved.  And in those moments when you were just a little one, screaming on the inside, “would someone just love me”, there was One who was as close as your very breath.  Did you feel Him?  Did He speak to your heart when you felt alone and confused?

Do you remember when you were a young girl of 13, how much you desired to be loved and accepted?  Do you remember you promised you would not give yourself away before marriage?  You didn’t know the Lord then, but He was with you.  Do you remember that fateful night when you were unsure you wanted to go through with it, and before you knew it you were taken, unable to change your mind?

Oh precious one, His heart grieved for you on that night.  And ever other night when you were left feeling used and abused.  He was there.  I know you didn’t feel Him then.  How could you know what it felt like to experience “real love”, when you had not yet been introduced to it?  Do you remember how you felt trapped, always having to prove your love?  He was there, in the darkness of the night when you cried yourself to sleep because you were left feeling empty and scared?

Do you remember that day when He came to you?  How He called your name and your heart skipped a beat and you left your seat and nearly knocked over the deacon in the isle to meet Him at the alter?  Do you remember how you felt, so full of love as you laid your sin and shame at the foot of the cross?  He was there.  Oh was He there, waiting for you.  Do you remember how He whispered His love to your heart and gave you His love letter to read?  And how you couldn’t get enough?

On that day you experienced true love.  Yet over time the darkness of the past would creep up and your youthful shame would find it’s place once again in your heart.  Your journey of love has been laden with guilt and shame and feelings of unworthiness.  For I know this because you are me, and together we walk this journey.

I wish I had words of wisdom for your heart today.  But all I can offer you is what I know to be true in my mind, but yearn for the day my heart catches up with this truth,

“God loves you.”

Really and truly, He does . And your worth and value have nothing to do with your past.  I know that all of your hurt and shame came from a time in your life before He came to you, before He called you.  Do you understand His forgiveness?  Do you understand  that He has taken your sin and removed it from his memory, as far as the east is from the west?

He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.
(Psalm 103:12)

If I could speak to your heart today, young one, I would tell you,

He loves you.
He desires you.
He cherishes you.
He has redeemed you.
He has forgiven you.
He will never leave you.
He will never turn His back on you.

Would you allow these truths to seep into your heart today?  I know it will not change the past but it will help to shape your further as you continue walking in the reality that you are a chosen daughter of the King of Kings.  And that you matter.  And that you are deeply loved.

*     *     *    *

I am linking up with Bonnie the Faith Barista for Faith Jam, serving up the topic of a letter to my younger self.  Although this is not what I intended to write, this is what I feel God wants me to share it.  I am praying it will speak to your heart as it has to my own.

I am also honored to join these communities:

WIPWednesdayLife In Bloom

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35 Comments

  • Reply
    Lisa notes
    August 16, 2012 at 3:20 am

    “God loves you.” Those are the greatest words we can tell ourselves at any age. A beautiful post. Thanks for sharing this vulnerable piece of your story.

  • Reply
    Melissa Reynolds
    August 16, 2012 at 4:08 am

    Amen. “Your worth and value have nothing to do with your past.” How many of us struggle with that!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 16, 2012 at 11:06 pm

      It’s so true. I’ve carried bags with me from my past into the present. It’s time to leave those behind and truly embrace the fact that I am loved!

  • Reply
    BethFerrell
    August 16, 2012 at 4:23 am

    So sweet Barbie. I can relate in so many ways.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 16, 2012 at 11:05 pm

      Thank you Beth!

  • Reply
    Debbie Petras
    August 16, 2012 at 6:32 am

    Oh Barbie, my heart aches for that little Barbie. Yes you are loved by our God and you are also loved by many friends, including me.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 16, 2012 at 11:05 pm

      I love you too Debbie! You are a constant encourager in my life.

  • Reply
    Laura Rath
    August 16, 2012 at 8:36 am

    God loves you! He always has and He always will. I want every young, and not so young, girl to hear this, and not just hear it, but BELIEVE it! It’s a promise God makes to each one of us…and God does not break His promises. Not ever.
    Blessings Barbie!
    Laura

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 16, 2012 at 11:05 pm

      That’s so true Laura. It’s the world that contaminates our hearts, leading us to believe we are unloveable. So thankful that there is never anything I can do so separate me from His love!

  • Reply
    Nikole Hahn
    August 16, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Beautiful!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 16, 2012 at 11:04 pm

      Thank you for stopping by Nikole!

  • Reply
    Nikki
    August 16, 2012 at 11:05 am

    Oh my heart….

    I’ve always found comfort in knowing He’s not after my past. He’s after my future. He’s not asking me to look back, but forward towards Him–my prize. what love!

    beautifully written, Barbie. Thank you for using your story for His glory to help another. Praying we can spread this message of love wide. To the masses of little Barbies that are so desperately seeking!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 16, 2012 at 10:59 pm

      Thank you for your constant love and encouragement Nikki! You are a truly a treasure to me.

  • Reply
    StefanieYoungBrown
    August 16, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Love this, Barbie! I read another post linked there and found it super challenging. Your post is giving me a great pause. I think I’ll write my younger self a letter, too. Hope you’re having a great day, my friend!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 16, 2012 at 11:04 pm

      Thank you Stefanie.

      • Reply
        StefanieYoungBrown
        August 17, 2012 at 4:10 am

        You’re welcome…

  • Reply
    Mary Beth
    August 16, 2012 at 11:33 am

    You have me really thinking about what I would say to my younger self. That’s a hard one. You message is so true and I’m so thankful for it. He was, is, and forever will be there.

    So glad you joined us at WIP Wednesday!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 16, 2012 at 11:03 pm

      Thank you Mary. Privileged to be able to share my heart with your community!

  • Reply
    Kristine McGuire
    August 16, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    It can be so easy to hold on to those hurtful pasts. So hard for the heart to grave what the head knows. God loves us, renews us, equips us. Beautiful post.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 16, 2012 at 11:03 pm

      I’ve been in that battle for years, waiting for my heart to catch up. But, I am closer today than I was yesterday. Thank you for stopping by Kristine!

  • Reply
    Faith Barista Bonnie
    August 16, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    Barbie, I’m speechless at the beauty that is just pouring out in your story. Taken… there is pain in that jagged word, but my heart soared with so much joy, as you described how your True Love took you deep, deep in the embrace of His heart. And that is why you can speak to us all here, from this place of tender intimacy with the One who will always cherish you forever. Thank you for sharing this with us. So honored.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 16, 2012 at 11:02 pm

      Thank you Bonnie. You encourage my heart more than you could know!

  • Reply
    Diana Denis
    August 16, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    Truly KNOWING Him and believing we are loved by Him changes everything! Oh how knowing this has impacted every area of my life. Beautiful post Barbie. I had to pause for a moment to digest “God loves you”. I know it but every time I hear it it makes my heart sing. Thank you for stirring up that excitement in me tonight!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 16, 2012 at 11:01 pm

      To think that the God of the universe loves me so much that He would have come just for me. My prayer is that revelation would sink deeper into my heart and I would no longer question.

  • Reply
    Barbie
    August 16, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    Thank you for stopping by Lisa. I always enjoy your visits.

  • Reply
    Caroline
    August 17, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    Oh, we all need to hear these truths over and over and over again, don’t we? Thanks for sharing them here.

  • Reply
    Dawn St Amand Paoletta
    August 18, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    This brought back vivid memories of my own painful childhood, and my promiscuous, rebellious teen years. Beautiful. Barbie. Life giving words. Oh I pray that those we are able to reach by grace are spared some of the journey I lived apart from him…this also got me to thinking about a healing kind of exercise. Something to pray about. You so reminded me of how God was in my moments, but what if we invited Him to speak life into those areas, as we look back. Prayerfully ask Him about some of those moments and reveal His heart and purpose. Just a random thought…but you have me pondering, my friend.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 18, 2012 at 8:09 pm

      There are so many that have walked this journey. I am so thankful for where He’s brought me. I get angry at myself at times, that I still haven’t fully released that part of my life over to Him. Shame and guilt will rob you of the best part of your life. I am getting there. So thankful for His healing! And truly grateful to know I am not alone.

  • Reply
    Barbie
    August 18, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    Thanks for stopping over Caroline!

  • Reply
    Wendy @ E1A
    August 19, 2012 at 1:16 am

    Wow! I wanted to swoop that little girl up in my arms, cuddle her and take her home to show her protection, love and care.

    So many children feel it was somehow their fault that they were not loved and cared for? It’s a lie straight from Hell. Such children, including you too Barbie were let down by those who should have loved, cherished and protected you (for whatever reasons they could or would not). They sadly failed in their responsibilities – not you!
    So sad that many young women look for love in the wrong places only to feel rejected and even more unloved as a result. Many of us can echo that lie of Satan and can remember as he beat our soul over and over again with even more lies and condemnation over our stupid mistakes. For some, like yourself, this is ongoing. Satan wants to hold you in his grip because he knows the damage your testimony of complete freedom will do to his kingdom… but enough is enough… and the cross is most definitely more than enough for Satan and his lies!
    El Roi knows the condemnation you experience Barbie and EL Rophi wants to heal your mind of these condemning lies. May you know God’s peace and healing this week and may Satan’s heal be bruised as a result.

  • Reply
    Laura @ Pruning Princesses
    August 19, 2012 at 4:23 am

    Oh be still my aching heart. I watch my girls going through some of the pains of their life and hope they know this message you wrote. Hope the aches will chase them toward their Father and not away. Thank you for your post. I visit sometimes on FMF and saw your button on LIvelaughrowe. Stopping by again as I knew there would be encouragement for a Sunday morning.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 19, 2012 at 2:54 pm

      That is my heart, that God would draw these young ones close, that they would know and understand the depth of His love for them, so that they don’t struggle as I have all of my life.

  • Reply
    Barbie
    August 19, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Thank you Wendy. You see inside my heart. I appreciate your encouragement and your prayers.

  • Reply
    Jennifer Dougan
    August 20, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Hi Barbie,

    Nice to meet you. I am hopping over from Scribing the Journey. What a tender poignant letter to your younger self. Thank you for the compassionate grace you showed here. May your heart be balmed by his deep love for you!

    Have a wonderful week.

    Jennifer Dougan
    http://www.jenniferdougan.com

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 20, 2012 at 10:33 am

      Thank you so much Jennifer of your encouragement!

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