11 In Faith

Yearning To Be More

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My heart is yearning to be with God apart from the noise that surrounds me.  I am longing for stillness, for solitude.  I am longing for His presence.  I know that if I abide in Him, He will abide in me.  So I strive to get to the place that feeds my soul, where the sun shines, the shade covers and the water runs freely.

But I hear Him say to me, “Cease from your striving, My Daughter, and just come.”

So I come, desiring to sit still in His presence and to drink Him in.  But my mind races with thoughts of situations that are beyond my control.  I long to fix my eyes on Him and remain full of faith.  So I worship, allowing the song buried deep in my heart to find it’s voice as I surrender it all back into His hands.  Tears stream down my face as I release fear, doubt and worry once again.  My heart breaks as I am once again faced with my lack.

I’ve been here before.  Why can’t I simply come, unashamed and full of the grace and mercy that is already mine?”  

My heart cries,  I don’t have anything to give to you, Lord.  You are deserving of so much more than this.  For I am weak.  I am heavy laden.  I am weary.  I am full of doubt and worry.  My failure is staring me in the face.  Surely these are not the offerings that I desired to bring to You today.

My heart is racing.  Why do I fear?  It is not You that I fear, but the possibility of not hitting the mark, or attaining to the fullness of all that You’ve called me to be.  All of these things I’ve carried here, You are already fully aware of. Why must I fear that You cannot, or will not, move me past this place?

I know that You are able.  I know that You are willing.

“My daughter,  just come.  All I want is you.”

But what if the me that You desire is not enough, Lord?  I long to be more for You than this shell I bring, empty and longing to be filled.

I long to be the confident, beautiful and graceful daughter that You created me to be.
I long to live life with purpose, to have meaning and to bring You glory in all that I do.
I long to live each day to the fullest, to laugh hard and love well.
I long to give hope, to remove fear and to bring freedom.
I long to be Yours, wholeheartedly and completely.

Who am I to You, Lord?  How do You see me?  What is it that You would have me to do? 

My heart is yearning to be more in Your presence, Lord.  Come and fill the ache that is in my heart!

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
(Psalm 42:2)

11 Comments

  • Reply
    Child of God
    November 13, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Oh to have more of the Father’s presence!
    I remembering reading about Smith Wigglesworth and how when he prayed the room would brighten so much that others, who were not in right alignment with God, could not stand in that room. Oh to have the presence of Father like that, would be so amazing.

    Blessings hon,
    <
    Child of God recently posted..Remembering…

    • Reply
      Barbie
      November 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

      That would be so amazing!

  • Reply
    Elizabeth@Transitional-Woman
    November 13, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    I’ve had so many of the same thoughts.
    For a long time I’ve been wanting to go on a silent retreat for a few days, but realize I really need to find peace in Christ amidst the busyness and chaos of daily life.
    Elizabeth@Transitional-Woman recently posted..Rambling Monday Thoughts

    • Reply
      Barbie
      November 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

      So true. Our hearts learn for stillness, but we must learn to lean in and hear Him among the chaos. Thank you for visiting my blog today!

  • Reply
    Lauren
    November 14, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Beautifully written. This is my heart’s cry as well.
    Lauren recently posted..Ecclesiastes 1:5

    • Reply
      Barbie
      November 14, 2012 at 4:24 pm

      Thank you Lauren!

  • Reply
    Dolly@Soulstops
    November 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Yes, Barbie, I echo what He said to you…Just come as you are, for all He wants is you and your willingness…He sees you as beautiful because He sees Christ being formed in you…rest in that…Come to Him…praying that the yearning of your heart for more of Him may be filled…you do not need to be more, dear one…let Him love you into wholeness…it is a process…hugs to you 🙂
    Dolly@Soulstops recently posted..Alphabet of Thanks Series: "A" is for "Always"

    • Reply
      Barbie
      November 14, 2012 at 4:25 pm

      Thank you for your encouragement today, my friend. It was much needed!

  • Reply
    Kim @ Stuff could....
    November 14, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    This touched me since I long for the same thing, His presence
    Kim @ Stuff could…. recently posted..Accidents

    • Reply
      Barbie
      November 14, 2012 at 4:25 pm

      Amen. May we both have more of Him!

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