Today I am joining Lisa-Jo and others for the 5 Minute Friday where we are given a word prompt and write for just 5 minutes simply for the joy of writing. No editing or backtracking necessary. No need to be perfect. Just words freely flowing from my heart to yours.
I often ask myself how and why I can feel so alone in a crowded room. Matter of fact, tonight I popped into the #fmfparty on Twitter to visit with my friends. Laughter, talk of chocolate, coffee and raw eating. But the conversation was moving way too fast for me. I felt lonely, so I left. I was immediately convicted by the Lord of my insecurity and rejoined the party and had a great time.
There is an ache deep in my heart to belong. And although I have a husband who loves me (and is often sitting right next to me on the couch), we often aren’t connecting. My children, two grown and two adolescent, they are off doing their own thing, as I sit at the table reading email and responding to blog comments. I am alone, in a crowded room.
I have an intense desire to be a part of. I want to connect with those I love, to listen to their heart beat as they share about their day. I want to understand the words, left unspoken, the pain in their eyes.
Lonely for me comes from a place deep in the crevice of my own heart. It’s in that place where the lies tell me,
“you’re not good enough”
“you don’t belong”
“you will never measure up”
“you don’t fit in”.
At times, these lies surface and I run to the nearest dark and lonely corner, because that’s where I believe I belong.
But He comes to this lonely one and sets her in a family. He frees my heart from the prison of solitude and causes my heart to sing “I belong”! . He brought me out of the wilderness, from wandering to and fro, lost, scared, alone. No longer forsaken. Always at home in His heart.
God sets the lonely in families. He leads out the prisoners with singing.
I am so thankful that when I feel lonely, He reminds me that I am never really alone.