42 In Faith/ Weekend Whispers

The Weekend Brew: Beautiful Fragments

Ecclesiastes_3_11

I’m learning to see beauty in brokenness.  Sometimes, I feel guilty for feeling so broken. But God reminds me that my brokenness, it’s part of my story and that I need not compare the fragments of my own life to that of others.  Yet I know people who have suffered extreme losses and hardship, and then there’s me.  Yes, three years of unemployment took it’s toll on our marriage and our pocketbook. Losing our house took a toll on our pride and our egos.  Compared to some, my life has been a walk in the park. I haven’t lost a child, I am not suffering with chronic illness, I am not homeless.

But this brokenness that I feel, its real.  For many years it’s been a part of me, laying dormant in my heart as I put up walls to protect myself from feeling.  Yet beneath the surface there are small, fragmented pieces of my life that need to be put back together again.  My pain is still pain.  I have a right to grieve over what was lost.

But I have the promise that I will not remain broken.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  (Psalm 147:3)

He promises to make ALL things beautiful….in HIS time.  Not mine. I can’t always see the beauty.  I have to look hard, digging deep beneath the surface of my lack, reaching for what I know to be true.  If it were up to me we would not have gone through the long season of unemployment, near bankruptcy, or the loss of our home.  If it were up to me, I would not have visited the local food bank to help subsidize meals, or taken pay day loans to make it through until the next month.  If it were up to me, I would not suffer from anger, fear, anxiety and depression.

I feel crushed from the weight of it.  All of these small, broken fragments of my heart, they bare a weight at times so heavy that it’s much easier to stuff it below the surface where no one will see it, and where I won’t feel it.  He won’t leave me there though, to pick up the fragments of my heart alone.  He promises to remain with me.  The Healer, He specializes in broken hearts.  

When you cry out to God and ask Him to come and reveal anything that is standing in the way of drawing you closer to Him, He comes.  Overwhelming at times, yet gently at other times.  I said yes to this healing, even though I would rather push it aside and move on.  [Tweet “I’m learning with healing that there can be no short cuts.”]  

Slowly, ever so slowly, He is helping me pick up the pieces of my heart.  These beautiful fragments, they are a testimony of the Lord’s grace in my life.  They are not meant to be swept under the surface, they are meant to be pieced back together so that I can say with my head held high, “Look what the Lord has done!”  He has brought me through, and He will continue to bring me through.  I am broken, but He is making me whole again.

“Father, take the fragments of my life and use them for Your glory.  Make me a beautiful testimony of your grace and steadfast love, so that others might see Your goodness and feel Your love.” 

*photo credit

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42 Comments

  • Reply
    Rosann
    May 17, 2014 at 4:30 am

    Your words really resonated with me this morning. It’s almost 7:30am, and I’m still in bed. God has been teaching me that healing means rest. (And so many other lessons I feel Him inspiring me to write about soon) There are days when I have to force myself to rest, even if I feel a little extra fuel in my step. It’s in my rest that I seek God, really see my beautiful children for the gift that they are, and truly value and appreciate my husband. It’s in my rest that I take time to talk to a friend on the phone, or allow my mind to think of fun and creative ways to bless someone in my life or circle of influence. I never realized the power of rest until God allowed a season of health problems that demanded it. 🙂
    Rosann recently posted..Energize Your Heart, Soul, and Mind by Starting Your Day with Jesus

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      Praying for you my friend. So thankful for your season of rest. I know it’s not something you would have chosen, but I pray that God uses is to draw you even closer. Hugs!

  • Reply
    Beth
    May 17, 2014 at 4:34 am

    Everything you are feeling is real and I’m so grateful you are openly sharing how God is speaking to you and moving in your life with us. The healing process isn’t always easy but He is with us through it all. He does make everything beautiful. And you my friend are one of His beautiful creations. Always in my thoughts and prayers. Love you so much.
    Beth recently posted..Love is thoughtful

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 3:53 pm

      Thank you Beth. You continually bless me!

  • Reply
    Holly Barrett
    May 17, 2014 at 5:42 am

    Thank you so much for your transparency, Barbie. Love what you said about the broken pieces are not meant to be swept away. When we sweep it all under the carpet, it lays there and festers. And I believe makes an even bigger mess. God is and will continue to sustain you through all of it. And your story is impacting others in ways you may not even know. Love you, love your heart, and still praying for you!
    Holly Barrett recently posted..Finding my Sabbath

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 3:53 pm

      Oh Holly, I’ve missed you. I will find my way back to community. Thank you for your continued prayers.

  • Reply
    Sandra @ Sandra's Ark
    May 17, 2014 at 6:52 am

    This will help you and others reading this today and in the days to come.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 3:54 pm

      Thank you for stopping by Sandra!

  • Reply
    Mary Geisen
    May 17, 2014 at 8:46 am

    Barbie – You feel and write with a “realness” that is so precious to Our Heavenly Father. Your brokenness is His healing place and He is honored that you lay it all before Him. I’m praying for you and the fragments of life that beg to be hidden away – that God sees all and will provide healing, strength and renewed purpose in your life.
    Mary Geisen recently posted..Motherhood Moments

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 3:54 pm

      Thank you Mary! Praying you have a blessed and beautiful weekend.

  • Reply
    ~Karrilee~
    May 17, 2014 at 8:54 am

    I love you so! I am praying for you as you pick up Brave… and stay in the midst of your healing! He’s got you, my friend! Always!
    ~Karrilee~ recently posted..That Thing I Do Now – Vol 44

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      I love you to the moon and back my friend!

  • Reply
    Sherry Carter
    May 17, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    Thank you for being so honest and open about your feelings, Barbie. God uses your words to heal some of my broken pieces.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      Thankful for you Sherry. Have a blessed weekend.

  • Reply
    Carrie
    May 17, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    Yes, what a glorious testimony you will be for all of us as He heals you, Barbie! Blessings, friend!
    Carrie recently posted..Two Parts Form A Whole

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 3:56 pm

      Blessings to you Carrie. Thankful for you.

  • Reply
    Denise
    May 17, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    You are such a heart blessing.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 10:01 pm

      Denise, I so appreciate your constant visits and encouragement.

  • Reply
    Jolene Underwood (@Faith_Eyes)
    May 17, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    Beautiful again. I know that feeling of deep pain with many broken pieces and then considering how it seems it shouldn’t feel so painful. Pain is pain. There are often many facets we can’t even share or express in ways that truly depict what is going on our hearts. So thankful that He continues to walk this with you and that you are willing to be vulnerable to share. Thank you for your honesty. Prayers with you dear sister in Christ.
    Jolene Underwood (@Faith_Eyes) recently posted..When yes feels big {On saying yes – Part 1}

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 10:03 pm

      Thank you Jolene. I appreciate your encouragement and your prayers.

  • Reply
    Cassandra M. Stewart (Renaissance Women)
    May 17, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    Thank you for this post. It spoke to my heart which is fragmented over the passing of my mom a few weeks ago. Thank you for reminding me that I do not have to justify my grief to anyone else and that the healing will take time. No shortcuts. Also thank you for reminding me of the promise that the Lord our God will bind up my wounds.

    These were blessed words. Thank you for sharing them.

    ~ Cassandra
    Cassandra M. Stewart (Renaissance Women) recently posted..Weekend Worship: The Brokenhearted

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 10:06 pm

      Cassandra, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I pray that God would wrap you up in His strong arms of love and comfort you. Hugs and prayers!

  • Reply
    Nannette and the Sweetheart
    May 17, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    Barbie, friend, I am praying tonight, and tomorrow and as long as my 52 year old brain will not let me forget. We are going through so many similar things this past two years. My husband has lost his “real job”, our ministry had slowed to a crawl and because he was self-employed there was no unemployment. There was NOTHING, no money coming in whatsoever. We moved into my MIL’s basement apartment when we came back from overseas missions work. We had sold our house and almost everything we owned to be able to go to Eastern Europe. Then because of health reasons and lack of support, we found ourselves back in the States….with nothing. And on top of it I was practically immobile for months because of severe SI joint issues. I needed surgery, still do, and insurance wouldn’t pay. I could go on!

    I say all of that to say this, I do understand all of those feelings you have. I have questioned, worried, panicked and then felt guilty for all of those feelings and “lack of faith”.

    But God. He never left me. I found my solace, my strength, my reason to get up in the morning at His feet. In worship. I still do not understand, but that is what faith is. Trusting when we don’t understand. We know He is there…we know He will continue to be there. In that we have hope. ♥
    Nannette and the Sweetheart recently posted..Come and go with us to Estonia!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 17, 2014 at 10:09 pm

      Nannette, thanks for stopping by and sharing a bit of your story. It’s comforting to know that at your point of greatest need, God was always there, and still is. Blessings!

  • Reply
    Carol Longenecker Hiestand
    May 17, 2014 at 11:17 pm

    “They are not meant to be swept under the surface, they are meant to be pieced back together…”
    Beautiful Barbie. so true. and the enemy is so happy to have us minimize our pain by comparing it to others…then it’s easier not to deal with it, I think.

    And yes, God makes everything beautiful, including my dad’s forgetful, brain that was wearing out. Now he is in heaven – made new for eternity.

    Blessings as you continue this journey of healing.
    Carol Longenecker Hiestand recently posted..Heritages, Endings and Beginnings

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 19, 2014 at 10:47 pm

      Thank you for your continued love and support Carol!

  • Reply
    Jedidja
    May 18, 2014 at 1:10 am

    Dear Barbie, when I translated your words in my own language (Dutch), you posting was like a soothing balm to my broken life. I feel ashamed that I so often hideaway my shards and brokenness for others. It’s not cool to do that. It’s stupid. When I do that, I never can tell what God has done with my broken life. I’m not fair. I hide the grace that our Lord gave me in my misery. You’re right. You give me a different view on myself and what God is doing in my life. We should note what answer He gives. He speaks. To all the the brokenhearted. We are all precious in his eyes. Barbie, I love you <3
    Jedidja recently posted..Maar God geeft gouden stralen

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 19, 2014 at 10:48 pm

      Oh friend, you are not stupid. I am thankful God is drawing you out of hiding and healing your heart. Hugs!

  • Reply
    Heather
    May 18, 2014 at 8:44 am

    Barbie
    I don’t know if you have read our story yet, but it’s so similar. But I will say this:
    But even the bankruptcy we went through, not even my husband nearly dying from meningitis, not being without income for two years, not my chronic fibromyalgia, not what I suffered in my brain disease and depression as evil as it presented itself…,

    But not anything …
    Will remove my joy in Him.

    Why?
    Because it’s His story I love and live and breathe for… to bless others.

    I am so thankful you keep looking for that in which you can be joyful and thankful even in your brokenness. I’m praying for you in a way that I know that brokenness. In way that I trust that brokenness will be used.

    You know… My ear is always here for you.
    <3
    Heather recently posted..To Love as Hard as a Fool

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 19, 2014 at 10:49 pm

      Heather, you are a ray of sunshine. Thank you for your prayers.

  • Reply
    Laurie Collett
    May 18, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    Praise God that He picks up the pieces of our lives and joins them together in an amazing new design. Thanks for the beautiful post and for hosting and God bless!
    Laurie Collett recently posted..Would You Give Up Your Child?

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 19, 2014 at 10:49 pm

      Thanks for stopping by Laurie!

  • Reply
    Tiffany
    May 18, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    Thank you for your honesty. What a beautiful post. So real, and so true. Over the past week, I have struggled with quite possibly the worst season of my career. I’m being attacked left and right at work, and dealing with a truly hostile work environment that has been escalated to HR. I trust the Lord will fight my battle, and I am so encouraged that He will bring me through this and heal my brokenness too. Today at church I was reminded of a scripture that really pulled on my heart strings: “To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.” (Isaiah 61:3) I pray this blesses you as well!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 19, 2014 at 10:51 pm

      Tiffany, I am praying that God will move on your behalf at your work. He is for you, so who can be against you? Thank you for sharing the verse in Isaiah. So comforting.

  • Reply
    Ceil
    May 18, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    Hi Barbie! I remember telling a friend my story about joblessness and how bad I felt. And then how bad I felt about feeling bad when there were so many others going through worse. Just like you mentioned. I’ll never forget what she said.

    Our journey of pain is ours, and it has the same weight as any other similar journey. It all stinks. But learning how to accept God’s will in it all, and seeing myself in Job, and knowing that he will get me out of this prison like Joseph, shows me that I can learn during it all too. Just like you are. And you are encouraging so many by being so honest about your experiences.
    I know that you will be blessed abundantly for your sharing and lifting up.
    Blessings to you on this path.
    Ceil
    Ceil recently posted..The House on Rock

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 19, 2014 at 10:53 pm

      Thank you so much Ceil. Your comment means so much to me.

  • Reply
    Lauren Huss
    May 19, 2014 at 1:54 am

    Barbie,
    Your pain is very real! Everyone has something tragic that they are going through, and your brokenness, needs to be healed by the Great Healer just as much as anyone’s! Don’t ever feel guilty or ashamed!
    Such a blessing to stop by and see how much this place has grown!! What a blessing you are!!! I hope you don’t mind, but I threw up my link, even though it is so late. Hope to visit again soon!!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 19, 2014 at 10:56 pm

      Lauren, thank you so much for stopping by. The link up stays open through Tuesday so that others can join in late. I am thankful you did! Blessings!

  • Reply
    Hannah
    May 22, 2014 at 10:08 pm

    Your post and this verse have been a reminder to me this week that it is in these broken pieces of our lives that we see God’s power. “Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend.” Psalm 5:3 The Message

  • Reply
    carol longenecker hiestand
    June 7, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Barbie, I am just now reading this post of May 16, 2014. It’s the day my elderly father finally died…home with Jesus and his beloved wife at last. I love it that THIS was your verse for the day. all things beautiful – in his time – for me-for you.
    blessings

  • Reply
    Heather @ My Overflowing Cup
    October 3, 2014 at 11:01 am

    You are so right, Barbie. It is all about His timing, not ours. Thank you for the reminder that while the waiting is long and hard, He truly knows what is best for his children. I wonder, sometimes, how many things He has saved us from by not pulling us from our challenging circumstances too soon. Our fragments are a testimony to His grace. Beautiful post! Thank you for the link-up.
    Heather @ My Overflowing Cup recently posted..The 3 Most Important Words

  • Reply
    Christine
    December 30, 2014 at 9:16 pm

    Thanks for this honest post from your heart. Yes, even through the tough times we need to look for Christ and him working in our lives. I pray that things are looking up for you by now. Continued blessings to you and God bless!
    Christine recently posted..PRESENCE not PRESENTS

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