44 In Faith/ Weekend Whispers/ Writing & Blogging

The Weekend Brew: To Just Be His

JustBeHis

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I had a long, sort of weary, tear shed day yesterday.  I’ve been feeling lost, scattered, not all together, a little off. I know it’s a season, and that He promises to bring me through, pull me out of, walk with me in the midst of, yet all I wanted in the moment was for the sadness to disappear, for the stress to lift and for the feelings of blah to go away.

I could have stayed there, alone, left to my despair and self-pity, yet I decided to reach out for prayer from a community of women I love and admire but have never met.  Our lives, our stories, have entertwined here and there and their words have breathed hope and life into my heart countless times. And so I shared my struggle, my fight for survival, my feelings of weariness. One by one the responses came in.  These women, sent by God to lift my weary arms.  I wasn’t expecting this.  Not the magnitude of words poured out.  But my heart so needed it.

I asked the Lord last night as I was laying in bed what it was I was supposed to do.  And in a still small whisper spoken straight to my heart, I heard Him say,

Just be mine.

I dared not ask how.  I dared not ask Him to show me the path. How does one just be His when there is so much in life crying out for attention?

I am on a journey, friends, to just be His.

I do not know what this next season will look like.  I may sneak away for more quiet time.  My heart desperately needs it.  I may take more extended periods of time away, and I ask for your grace.  I may be a little inconsistent in my writing, as I want to get back to a place where I share when the Spirit of God prompts me to share, without worrying about putting up a post for the sake of filling space.

I am at a crossroads on this journey.  I almost quit.  I almost gave it all up, yet I know my heart would have grieved if I had.  I do not believe that is the path for me, at least not at this point.  But I need to find my way again, and really, I need to find Him again in this.

Life gets crowded and we push through and trudge forward through the mirk and mire of life, all the while forgetting the He is with us, right there in the mud.  The wrestle, the ache, the deep sighs, He hears it, sees it and knows the outcome.

I want to just be His, fully, without reservation.  I don’t want to care what anyone thinks.  I don’t want to compare myself to others.  I don’t want to covet another’s gifting or anointing.  I don’t want to wonder if I am enough, or if I’m making a difference, or if I matter.

Because really, all that matters is Him.  If I’m not fully His, I will continue chasing after temporary fulfillment.  Even this space, it’s temporary.  Oh, the words will live on, but at some point the writing will cease.  Yet He will remain.

I want Him.  I need Him.  I must have Him.  My heart will faint if I try to fill it with anyone or anything else.  He loves me. He desires me.  He will show me the way.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  (Psalm 73:26)

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44 Comments

  • Reply
    Sheila at Longings end
    May 2, 2014 at 5:01 am

    Beautiful, heartfelt words, Barbie. Can feel your angst because I have experienced it too. And the greatest thing is exactly what He told you…BE His…Blessings…
    Sheila at Longings end recently posted..In which solitude and silence speaks loud and clear…Letting go and what time in New England taught us

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 2, 2014 at 11:59 pm

      Sheila, thank you so much for stopping by! Have a beautiful weekend.

  • Reply
    Amy Jung
    May 2, 2014 at 7:41 am

    I so get where you’re at because, from time to time, I experience this. It’s a hard place. I think you’re on to something…just listening to His voice and responding to His call to just be His. Beautiful post…
    Amy Jung recently posted..When You Need To Be Revived

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 3, 2014 at 12:00 am

      Thank you Amy! I appreciate you!

  • Reply
    Beth
    May 2, 2014 at 7:48 am

    I love you, Barbie. I’m so glad you reached out so others could pray for you. It was so beautiful to see the outpouring of love come through. I’m glad you are getting some *me* time. Enjoy meeting your writing friend. Makes me smile knowing you are having that opportunity. Thank you for continually sharing your beautiful heart and words with us. Even during a difficult season your words are encouragement and remind us all to simply be His. {Hugs}
    Beth recently posted..10 Things I Learned in April

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 3, 2014 at 12:00 am

      I love you Beth! So appreciate your prayers. Hugs!

  • Reply
    Jolene Underwood (@Faith_Eyes)
    May 2, 2014 at 8:14 am

    This is so beautiful! Every word echoes in my heart & mind. I almost feel like I wrote it with you! Connecting & relating to you in many ways. I love what you wrote. Your heart Barbie, it is so sweet, so persevering. I don’t know what you’ve been through but I know the feeling of wanting to quit, over and over again. Yet, deep desire for the Lord and the things of the Lord keep bringing me back to His feet and held in his arms. Blessings sweet sister-in-Christ!
    Jolene Underwood (@Faith_Eyes) recently posted..What if your “yes” turns into a mess? {FMF : Mess}

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 3, 2014 at 12:02 am

      I am thankful I could put into words the echoes of your own heart. Thank you so much for stopping by.

  • Reply
    Sherry Carter
    May 2, 2014 at 8:25 am

    Thank you for sharing, Barbie. My heart was so encouraged by your words. I am where you are,and it is so comforting to know I’m not alone.

    God lifted from my long-time home and plopped me down in the middle of what feels like a desert. I’ve felt listless and without direction. I’ve been tempted to give up on my calling to write more times than I can count – and I have stumbled many times.

    It took me a long time to recognize what you are saying so beautifully: it’s about Him! I realize that He is calling me to focus on Him, not serving Him. When my eyes are on Him, the service flows naturally.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 3, 2014 at 12:04 am

      I cannot imagine having to be uprooted and moved. But when we keep our eyes on Him, He gives us the strength for the hard places. Have a blessed weekend.

  • Reply
    Carol Longenecker Hiestand
    May 2, 2014 at 8:34 am

    I may sneak away for more quiet time. My heart desperately needs it. I may take more extended periods of time away, .

    This is good. In times like you are experiencing quiet is the “more.” It often feels counter productive. Praying you will find it in our never changing God.
    Carol Longenecker Hiestand recently posted..Psalm 34:8, Hard Hats, Safety Glasses and Work Boots

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 3, 2014 at 12:04 am

      Thank you so much Carol!

  • Reply
    Denise
    May 2, 2014 at 8:55 am

    My friend, you are speaking to my heart. Praying for you, and loving you.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 3, 2014 at 12:07 am

      Love you too Denise! Thanks for your prayers.

  • Reply
    Carrie
    May 2, 2014 at 10:32 am

    So glad you didn’t quit, friend! I can relate to a lot of your recent challenges and it does my heart good to know I am not alone. No matter the absences, you can be sure to find me waiting for you, with open arms cheering you on and welcoming you back! Hugs!
    Carrie recently posted..Witness To Yielding

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 3, 2014 at 12:05 am

      You encourage my heart so Carrie! I so appreciate you!

  • Reply
    child of God
    May 2, 2014 at 11:46 am

    What a lovely community of friends you have! Thanks for sharing your heart, you are a blessings.
    🙂

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 3, 2014 at 12:08 am

      I consider you to be among that community my friend. Always grateful for your presence here, but mostly your prayers.

  • Reply
    Cathy
    May 2, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    You have such a beautiful heart Barbie. I love reading your blog, so real and so encouraging. Even when you are struggling, God shines through your words. Your in my prayers and I pray you will know that your worth is in Him and that, that is amazing. : )
    Cathy recently posted..The best part…

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 3, 2014 at 12:09 am

      Thank you Cathy. I appreciate your encouragement prayers.

  • Reply
    Sharon
    May 2, 2014 at 8:33 pm

    Barbie, words could not tell you how much this post reflected my heart at this time. I am in a season of blah, too. It kinda started when I moved a little over a year ago. And then, it became more pronounced when my dad died in January. And then, turning 60 was just the icing on the cake (no pun intended!!)

    I’ve done a lot of *life-pondering* – wondering how much time (or energy) I have to do what God wants me to do. And what is that exactly? But, during this time the Lord keeps asking me the same question, “Is it really just Me?” More and more, my answer is yes. HE is all I want and all I need.

    Tears came to my eyes when I read what He said to you. How sweet. I believe He also said it to my heart through your words, and what a precious word.

    Just be mine.

    Sigh. Yes, to belong to the One who knows my name is indescribable.

    Thanks for this very encouraging post. You’re not alone in this season or on this journey. I get it. And so does He.

    GOD BLESS!
    Sharon recently posted..“LORD, I CAN’T HEAR YOU…”

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 3, 2014 at 12:11 am

      Sharon, I am grateful that you were blessed. I am praying for you as you lean into Him and allow Him to capture more of your heart. Hugs!

  • Reply
    Elizabeth
    May 2, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    What a beautiful word for God to you. How much He must love you to want you to draw closer to Him, to want you to just be His. I pray that you will be fully rested, restored and refreshed in Jesus. Love you much, Barbie.
    Elizabeth recently posted..1 Corinthians 1:30…

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 3, 2014 at 12:11 am

      Thank you Elizabeth!

  • Reply
    Denise
    May 3, 2014 at 4:09 am

    Dear sweet Barbie;
    It’s such a difficult place to be; thanks for sharing your heart! What a blessing that you were encouraged and loved by this awesome community of women! Praying you are uplifted today and feeling His strength and amazing love and grace deep in your heart.
    Hugs!
    Denise
    Denise recently posted..Never Say Never

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 5, 2014 at 3:08 pm

      Thanks so much Denise. I appreciate you!

  • Reply
    Laura Connell
    May 3, 2014 at 5:44 am

    Simple truth – you are His. That’s the most important relationship. That love relationship is what matters most.
    Laura Connell recently posted..Christian Connection: Mother’s Day {Linkup}

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 5, 2014 at 3:09 pm

      Thanks friend!

  • Reply
    June
    May 3, 2014 at 6:31 am

    As difficult as this journey is, Barbie, it’s good, because it’s God. He is preparing a way for you. A path, a place. What is even more wonderful {and so God!} is He is using you to bless others along the way. Take comfort in that truth. Praying for you as you seek Him.
    June recently posted..Inspired by . . . nature

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 5, 2014 at 3:10 pm

      If I do not allow Him to use me in my brokenness than I have nothing left to give. Thankful He chooses to continue to bless others.

  • Reply
    Anders
    May 3, 2014 at 9:43 am

    Indeed, there are powers enough in this world which want us to diverge from the being by God. There are idols, and people are furious when they are ridiculed. Even Jesus is made an idol of, which is a shame.

    FOR SURE

    Jesus hated
    idols rated.
    Love is never
    being clever.

    Have a nice weekend!

    • Reply
      Anders
      May 3, 2014 at 11:03 am

      Ooooops! My English is not good. Obviously there was a comma missing.

      FOR SURE

      Jesus hated
      idols, rated.
      Love is never
      being clever.

  • Reply
    Joanne Viola
    May 3, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    Barbie – So grateful God always whispers to us the very words we need to hear to be strengthened. You have such a gift of writing. Know that your words touch so many. I, for one, am glad you did not quit! Blessings!
    Joanne Viola recently posted..From Young to Old

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 5, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      Faithful friend. Thank you!

  • Reply
    Mary Geisen
    May 3, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    Barbie-this post really spoke to me. I can feel the pull between the world and God and I know that God will win! He has your heart and as you question what is next, I pray that you hear only His whispers. You are HIs and He delights in you – with or without struggles! Know I am praying for you my friend as the next steps of your journey are made clear to you.
    Mary Geisen recently posted..FMF Post – Mess

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 5, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      Thank you Mary!

  • Reply
    Cathy
    May 3, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    Barbie, I am lovin’ on you tonight through prayer and will promise to carry you in my heart through this time. At one of the lowest, most sad times of my life I went to a Women of Faith Conference in Atlanta and heard this, “When you feel like you are up against a cement wall and there is no where to run and you feel you have lost your way or need more…just envision that cement wall as the breast of God and just fall into it like there is no tomorrow” God has set your feet on this quest and put the thirst in your heart. Just go deaf to everything else and listen…Just Be! Don’t worry about scheduled post…who makes the rules? 🙂 Rest, restore and revive. You are already a power house for God…there is no telling what is ahead! Many prayers my friend…<…Cathy

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 5, 2014 at 3:12 pm

      Cathy, your words of encouragement have blessed me so much today. Thank you for allowing God to use you to be a blessing.

  • Reply
    Lisha Epperson
    May 4, 2014 at 9:35 am

    I feel you on this Barbie… “I want to get back to a place where I share when the Spirit of God prompts me to share, without worrying about putting up a post for the sake of filling space. I don’t want to wonder if I am enough, or if I’m making a difference, or if I matter” ALL OF IT…and it’s what I was talking about when I shared the Lords the correction (for me) to be intentional with my linkups, to pray about all connections. Because it’s not about numbers or approval. I hear you friend. Take the time you need to center yourself as His daughter. The rest will be addressed as He sees fit. No stress. No worries. Only hearing and doing His will.
    Lisha Epperson recently posted..You Carry Me :: a memory

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 5, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      I so appreciate your words of wisdom Lisha. I tend to go way overboard in my commitments. The pulling back has been hard, but pruning is never easy. Painful yes, but so worth it. Blessings!

  • Reply
    Holly Barrett
    May 4, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    Continuing to pray for you, dear friend!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 8, 2014 at 12:25 am

      Love you Holly!

  • Reply
    Heather
    May 5, 2014 at 6:09 am

    My heart is heavy for you, Barbie. My love is bigger for you. I have much to say so I sent you a private message.
    XOXO
    Heather.
    Heather recently posted..When Your Soul Cries Out in Tears

    • Reply
      Barbie
      May 8, 2014 at 12:25 am

      Thank you Heather, I appreciate you so much!

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