17 In Faith

When In Doubt

Life is full of uncertainties.  I’ve experienced my fair share of disappointment over loss and circumstances.  I’ve kicked, screamed, wailed and mourned my way to the throne of grace, throwing myself at the foot of the cross like a young child in the midst of a temper tantrum, all the while crying out, “Where are you God?”

Dusk at Porth Nanven Cove

Rain falls on the just and the unjust.

I’ve been wrestling with doubt.  Life is good, but its far from what I had envisioned. My hope is in Jesus, but I would be wrong to say that I haven’t hoped for other things.  As I’ve watched some of my dreams shatter, I wrestle with the bigger picture, that which only God can see, and that which my own heart longs to understand.

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
(James 1:6 ESV)

I’ve been tossed by the wind of late.  I find it hard to keep my feet firmly planted, as my eyes are busy looking here and there for some sign that I am doing it right, doing it well and doing it for His glory, and not my own.

How can I bring my petitions before Him in faith, when in my heart I doubt that things will ever change?  I am not one who embraces conflict.  I am a “fixer” by nature, meaning when there is conflict, I become extremely agitated and want to fix it and make things better. This is how I see my heart.  It lays in conflict — my spirit man and my flesh — conflicted between what it knows to be true and what it fears may never come to pass.  The more I try to fix things, the more of a mess I become.

In reality, it’s my own self-reliance that has brought me to this place.  I want to rise up from the ashes and fix everything.  But I can’t.  There is no good apart from Him.  And most often, I leave Him behind as I walk though life doubting,

doubting that our finances will ever turn the corner.
doubting that my role as a mother has made any real significant impact on my children.
doubting that I have anything concrete to offer to this world.
doubting that joy truly will come in the morning.
doubting that I am good enough to be loved well.

I believe, help my unbelief! (Mark 9:24 ESV)

I am thankful that God knows my weakness, and that He still accepts me no matter what state I am in.

Have you wrestled with doubt lately?  How are you overcoming your struggle?  I would love for you to share in the comments below.

Linking up with my dear friend Beth for Three Word Wednesday, on a Thursday, because that’s how I roll.

Photo Credit: © Helen Hotson – Fotolia.com

17 Comments

  • Reply
    Lori Harris
    June 12, 2014 at 4:16 am

    yes.
    Every single day of my life.
    Love your honesty, Barbie.
    Taking you and your doubt to Jesus. You are precious, friend. Keep running your race.
    Lori Harris recently posted..Things I’d Tell You If We Had Coffee

    • Reply
      Barbie
      June 12, 2014 at 9:35 pm

      Thankful for you and your prayers Lori!

  • Reply
    Mary
    June 12, 2014 at 5:58 am

    I seem to be overcome by doubt lately. Some areas more so than others. I so appreciate your transparency, Barbie. I love to read your words and ponder them for myself. Thank you for making me step back and look at things through a different lens.
    Mary recently posted..When knowing the tapestry designer makes it all OK…

    • Reply
      Barbie
      June 12, 2014 at 9:42 pm

      Mary, so thankful my words touch your heart and draw you closer to the Father. Hugs!

  • Reply
    Olivia
    June 12, 2014 at 7:52 am

    Oh my. You have perfectly described ME. Really- thank you for your transparency. I often find myself tossed around by shattered dreams and disappointments, and I wonder if I will ever really get over it. It comes in waves. I’ll do great for a while and then it hits me and I’m knocked back down. During those times I want to run away. I remind myself to cling to what I KNOW, even though I’m not feeling it. But where can I run from His Spirit? I’m grateful that He pursues me. Even when I am doubting. Especially when I am doubting.
    Olivia recently posted..How I Write

    • Reply
      Barbie
      June 12, 2014 at 9:43 pm

      It’s so hard to pursue Him when we can’t feel Him, isn’t it? But that’s the walk of faith, the journey into the secret place. We walk by faith, not by sight or what we can feel. So thankful you stopped by Olivia!

  • Reply
    Jamie Harper
    June 12, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Yes. At times it seems daily. Thank you for having the courage to hit publish. He is doing great things through you.

    For we know brothers and sisters loved by God that He has chosen you. 1 Thess. 1:4
    Jamie Harper recently posted..Reforming Church: consumption

    • Reply
      Barbie
      June 12, 2014 at 9:44 pm

      Thank you Jamie! Have a blessed weekend.

  • Reply
    Carrie
    June 12, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    Yep, doubt plagues me a lot lately. I’m determined to take a social media hiatus. Sometimes reading others’ successes (aka friends on Facebook) all the time makes my tiny accomplishments look very pale! The comparison trap rears its ugly head and I know it’s time to disengage.
    Carrie recently posted..A Winning Quote: Extending His Hand

    • Reply
      Barbie
      June 12, 2014 at 9:45 pm

      Oh friend, I know all about comparison. I’ve been there, and am still there. You are unique and have a voice of your own. Don’t allow the success of others to cloud your vision. Keep running the race girl! He’s with you!

  • Reply
    Beth
    June 12, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    Thank you, Barbie, for how you continue to share with us so honestly. I pray that verse often, “I believe, help me with my unbelief.” The doubts…they come more often than I’d like. Hugs and prayers. Love you.
    Beth recently posted..Three Word Wednesday: Love isn’t jealous

    • Reply
      Barbie
      June 12, 2014 at 9:46 pm

      Thanks Beth! Love you!

  • Reply
    Jennifer Peterson
    June 13, 2014 at 5:11 am

    I have been there! I have argued and been mad and walked away from my faith. Looking back I can see how God was still actively working in my life even though all I could see was shattered dreams. Love that verse help me with my unbelief! Love you and so blessed you are in my life!
    Jennifer Peterson recently posted..He sees you:

  • Reply
    Ceil
    June 13, 2014 at 8:42 am

    Hi Barbie! Oh my yes, I struggle with doubt all the time. I think my vision is best when I’m looking back, not ahead, or where I should be…in the moment. I don’t tend to kick and scream, I just get sad. And confused. I think that’s human nature too.
    It’s so great to have a blogger community to support you on your way. You have so many dedicated friends who are praying and waiting with you. I am one of them. Help us all in our unbelief of Lord. We need your strength, we need your peace.
    Hope you have a day that is full of the signs of God working in your life,
    Ceil
    Ceil recently posted..Little Victories

  • Reply
    denise
    June 13, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    Appreciate your honest heart.

  • Reply
    Pamela
    June 13, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    Tossed by the winds…that’s how we feel, isn’t it? I don’t have trouble with doubt when it comes to the needs of others. It’s doubts that I’m worthy of God’s favor. I get it wrong too often, surely that would keep Him from blessing me. I’m praying with you, “Help thou my unbelief.” ~Pamela
    Pamela recently posted..Eleven Hours of Happy

  • Reply
    Sherry Carter
    June 13, 2014 at 3:51 pm

    For the past couple years, doubt has been dogging my steps. Over and over the voice says, “You have nothing to offer. No one will be touched by your words.”

    Your honest words and all the comments show me I’m mot alone. I believe doubt is Satan’s most paralyzing weapon. But the One who is in us is greater than the one who is in the world. 1John 4:4.

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