When Life Slows To A StandStill

Fotolia_56846992_XSI started a 31 day journey on October 1st. I had just been laid off the day before, and thought it would help me pass the time to write 5 minute reflections on change. I remember dialoging with the Lord about whether or not I was to participate as I had the prior three years. I don’t think I heard a definite “no”, but I do remember a faint check in my spirit. I wasn’t sure I would be taking on too much, what with another major life change. But, I thought it would be easy, with the 5 minute prompts, and help to pass the time as I looked for work.

I lasted just 14 days. My last post was ironically entitled, When You Want To Run Away. I realized after that post that I had taken on too much. Maybe not. Perhaps that’s just an excuse because I don’t want to tell you how I am really feeling.  But, this blog isn’t so much about me, as it is about Him. I’ve always been open and honest here. I know that I am among friends, and you care deeply for my heart.

So, I’m struggling. I knew this path was going to be hard, but I didn’t realize there would be subtle moments of despair and grief, mixed in with a little bit of depression and anxiety. The other day I was sitting at the kitchen table and my son was working on a history project. A project he needed my help with. He wasn’t asking for help, but I could tell from his sighs and attitude that I needed to step in. But all I could do was sit in my chair and stare at the wall. I couldn’t move. I realized in that moment that this life change is affecting my emotions more than I care to admit. And because I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve, they are beginning to manifest in my body in ways I don’t prefer. I’ve been to that place of not wanting to move before, and hurting when you had to. And I don’t want to go there again. Not over this.

I want to fully embrace and enjoy this season of “time off”, but at the same time I am scared. I know that shows a lack of trust, and perhaps a lack of faith, but my human heart is weak and fragile and I think God understands. I’ve been down a similar path, over 5 years ago when my husband was laid off, and soon after we lost our home and our finances crumbled. We have nothing left to lose, yet are faced with the very real reality that if I don’t find work soon, we may lose what we do have.

Needless to say, I will not be continuing on with my 31 Day series. I do apologize. I don’t like to start something and not finish, but it probably wasn’t wise that I began in the first place. I don’t have a desire to write. I try to read my favorite blogs and well, my mind has a hard time comprehending what you are saying in your posts. My brain feels like mush and I hate that. So I’m taking it slow, reading a few blogs here and there, catching up on comments when I can, sharing my favorite posts as I feel led. Your words bless and encourage my heart and I don’t want to lose sight of what God may want to say to me through you.

I will continue to write my Journey To The High Places posts on Mondays, or Tuesdays, and The Weekend Brew link up will go up sometime between Friday and Saturday. Matter of fact, I will be having a guest who will be helping me carry the Weekend Brew through to the end of the year. I’ll write other posts as the inspiration hits, but the words may be few.

In this season, I need God to come and steady my heart. I may not be able to see in front of me, but I want to have the faith to believe that He will come through. I have this song on repeat. It is my prayer in this season.

You are faithful, You will lead me.
You are faithful, You will keep me.
You are faithful, You will lead me on.

I miss connecting with you, but this change in my life has completely done me in, and I need to rest and not do too much so as not to get overwhelmed. I know that this will pass. I know that God has a great plan. I want to trust Him, even though I cannot see. Taking care of myself is the most important. So that is what I shall do.

I hope that I will see you over the weekend at The Weekend Brew. I would love to read your words.

Thanks your prayers, emails, tweets and Voxer messages. My life is richer because of you.

*photo credit


Seeking beauty in the ordinary and embracing life to the fullest. Thank you for stopping by and come again soon!

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46 Responses

  1. mary gemmill says:

    Barbie…you have chosen wisely…..we will miss your 31 day series, but there are times when stopping is the only thing to do and I am sure everyone will understand and be prayerful for you at this time.
    These words are borrowed, but anointed for YOU at this time:
    I am the God of hope, even when everything you love and live for appears to be drowning. When you can’t swim any longer, I am your lifesaver. I am the author of your life who can rewrite and transform any tragedy to triumph. I am the one who will work all things together for your good even when it appears all has gone bad. When you don’t know what to do, be still long enough to allow Me to calm the storm in your heart and part the sea that seems to lie in the way of My promises for you. If you will wait on Me, you will witness My wonders!

    Your Father of miracles

    I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13
    Today’s devotional is drawn from His Treasure: Gems of Love From Your King by Sheri Rose Shepherd.
    I Am With You
    by Sarah Young from Jesus Calling
    I AM WITH YOU. I am with you. I am with you.
    Heaven’s bells continually peal with that promise of My Presence. Some people never hear those bells because their minds are earthbound and their hearts are closed to Me. Others hear the bells only once or twice in their lifetimes, in rare moments of seeking Me above all else. My desire is that My “sheep” hear My voice continually, for I am the ever-present Shepherd.
    Quietness is the classroom where you learn to hear My voice.
    Beginners need a quiet place in order to still their minds. As you advance in this discipline, you gradually learn to carry the stillness with you wherever you go. When you step back into the mainstream of life, strain to hear those glorious bells: I am with you. I am with you. I am with you.
    Jeremiah 29:12–13; John 10:14, John 10:27–28
    “Start by doing what is necessary,
    then what is possible and suddenly
    [we!] are doing the impossible.” ~St. Francis of Assisi
    Love, Mary, New Zealand

  2. charis says:

    you know that i am totally behind you 100%. taking 8 mos off of blogging completely was what i honestly needed. i just needed to process by myself. praying for you. hoping to see you soonish, maybe we will come down in november. big hugs and NO GUILT!
    charis recently posted..day 20: the hope of eternity

  3. Praying for you in this time of transition. Praying for you to hold onto hope, even though the path before you is dark. Praying for you to remain firmly rooted in prayer and God’s word and let Him lead you through this time. Praying for God to begin to illuminate the path forward and take you to what’s next for your life. Praying for rest and peace, that the worry and stress not overtake, but instead be replaced by a renewal of your soul. Wise decisions to listen to your body and your heart. Focus on what’s critical during this season and say no to what’s not. Take care of you and take care of your family. May you be surrounded in God’s love and support during this time and just continue to ‘take a step, take a step’ through the transition, trusting that eventually God will bring some light to your path.
    Kathryn Shirey recently posted..20 Ideas to Build Better Community Today

  4. Joanne Viola says:

    Barbie, praying for you. May our God step into your situation with His light, His hope, His peace, His joy. You are precious to Him and to so many of us whom you have blessed!
    Joanne Viola recently posted..Day 21: Remain Unoffended

  5. Lisa J says:

    Thanks for your openness and for your courage. The 31 day series is a lot. Just last week I was starting to feel really burnt out with it myself, but I am pushing forward. I saw others feeling the same way and see some petering off of it as well. You are going through a lot in your personal life, and the most important thing for you is to take care of you and your family. I wish you well!

  6. Carmen Horne says:

    Thank you Barbie for your transparency. This season of your life will be used to inspire and encourage others more than you know. Rest, seek God and allow Him to fill you up with His peace and comfort. Your beautiful words will return in abundance. I know this because I lost mine earlier this year and they are returning. God bless you!
    Carmen Horne recently posted..Why does forgiveness feel so risky

  7. Mary says:

    Barbie, I applaud you for recognizing that continuing is too much. Please know that I am praying for you and your family. Whatever the season…He’s got it under control. May you feel his loving arms around you today.
    Mary recently posted..When the lyrics speak to your heart

  8. Oh my friend… I so hear you!! And… this song!! Wow!! how it ministered to me – I may have to share it on my space, too!

    Praying for you and as I sit here in tears I’ll be grateful for any prayers said on my behalf, as well… I know what walking down an uncertain road is like.

    He has a strong hand!! And, it comforts.
    Bevy @ Treasured Up and Pondereda recently posted..{day 20} Home Quotes and Sentiments :: 4 o’clock!

    • Barbie says:

      Thank you Bevy. Thank you for allowing God to use you to minister to me out of your own place of brokenness. Praying and asking the Father to draw close to you and meet you at your point of need. Hugs!

  9. sharon says:

    Hugs sweet friend. I understand totally!
    sharon recently posted..31 Days of Grace

  10. Beth says:

    Oh sweet friend, you are so in my prayers. I know I’ve said this before but will say it again, God continues to use you in ways you may not see or understand, but He does. My prayer is that He reveals Himself to you in mighty ways as you journey with Him through this season to the next. He loves you dearly. Thank you for the example you give us of going where He leads. Love you so much. xoxo
    Beth recently posted..Navigating to a New Normal {Day 16-19: #write31days}

  11. Jill Foley says:

    saying a prayer for you right now…
    Jill Foley recently posted..Monday Manifesto ~ Gratitude

  12. Oh, Barbie- love you and understand. We so often want to do all of the good things because they seem good, but sometimes we need to remember we can’t do everything! I am still learning, and I empathize. Hugs.
    Dawn Paoletta (@breathoffaith) recently posted..The Serenity Prayer (Modified) for Planner People

  13. June says:

    Sweet, Barbie. My heart hurts for what you’re going through. Know that you are loved and prayed for, daily. Proverbs 18:10 comes to mind. “The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous run to it and are safe.” Meditate on the names of the Lord, allow the truths they teach you about Him to surround you. Brick by brick, truth by truth. You are safe, surrounded by His word and the power of His name. Blessings, my friend.
    June recently posted..Inspired by . . . Day 21: JOY in obedience

  14. Tara says:

    I’m so thankful I came across your blog as part of the write31 days. But I totally understand and commend you for stepping back. May you find the rest you need. Love ya!!

  15. Wanda says:

    Sending you virtual hugs Barbie. I’m up rather late reading (which is out of the ordinary and the title of your post caught my attention). Our circumstances are different but I understand that feeling of not really having the desire to write much. Knowing when to call it quits is just as noble is knowing when to start.
    Wanda recently posted..Of Finding Favorite Things

  16. Elizabeth says:

    I woke up in the night praying for you, burdened for you. You are not alone, friend.
    Elizabeth recently posted..Antique Store Find-old wooden tote with Nikon label

    • Barbie says:

      Oh Elizabeth, thank you. I cannot tell you how much that means to me. Not that you are missing your sleep, but that God is placing me on hearts to pray. Hugs!

  17. elisa says:

    Oh Barbie, I am sorry for this season of being totally done in and will be praying for you. I applaud your humility and will be asking God to pour out His grace on your willingness to obey by not finishing what you started.
    elisa recently posted..{Giveaway} Everyday Confetti in Everyday Moments

  18. Debbie says:

    Barbie, I totally understand! Take some time off and listen to Jesus. I’ve been in the process of writing a book for two years now and my slow progress gets me down at times. But then a dear blogging friend told me to write one page at a time with Jesus. I think of you now and say to you …just sit alone with Jesus. Let Him speak to you through His Word. Meditate on His promises. Thank Him for His provision even when you don’t know where it will come from. Learn that He is trustworthy. And give yourself a break. Take one day at a time and sometimes one moment at a time.

    Love you,
    Debbie recently posted..Weekend Blessings

  19. Barbie,
    I know I am new to the blogging community, but I wanted you to know how much of a blessing you have been to me. Your Link-up The Weekend Brew is what drew me to your blog in the first place. But it has been your sweet nature and kindness to a beginner like me that has kept me coming back.
    As so many have said already, you and your words will be missed. I will be praying that the Lord will give you His strength in this draining time. I will also pray that He will guide you to the job (and the words) He has just for you!
    In Christ,
    Kimberly David
    Kimberly David recently posted..A Song in Your Heart

    • Barbie says:

      Thank you Kimberly. This is why I blog, even when it’s had, to know that I’m making a difference and helping others. That’s what Father would want. I pray you will continue to link up to The Weekend Brew. It will be continuing, few words or many. Hugs!

  20. Mary says:

    Oh Barbie, my heart aches for you. While I don’t actually know you, I feel as though I do and I know those feelings if discouragement and despair. But they do lead to depression and as one who has battled depression many times, I will ask you (not tell you what to do) to please do not isolate physically. Find a friend, a family member, someone who will listen and understand. Someone who will help vuild you up. The blogging community is great but we are not “real” in the flesh people. Be encouraged, knowing that you’ve been through worse and come out on top and you will come out on top of this again. God sees, knows and cares. I take medication for the anxiety and depression. Every time I’ve ever tried to go off I end up in a tailspin. I’m an advocate of medication if needed, counseling, anything to help us get out of it. (That’s the practical part) I will join with this community in agreement for healing where it is needed for you. Do not be afraid of your feelings but don’t let them rule you either. You are loved with an everlasting love and upheld in His everlasting arms.

    • Barbie says:

      Mary, thank you so much for stopping by. I so appreciate your prayers and encouragement. I can’t seem to get to your blog when I click your name. Can you send me the link? Have a blessed weekend.

  21. Mary says:

    Oops…forgot to proofread.

  22. Oh sweet Barbie! Having just *met* you here…. my heart is just tender to your words and season and struggles. You are wise and stepping back can honestly be the first step forward.

    To me,this life is always more about pressing into Him, investing in my face to face relationships and then, outward in words on-line. Your words have helped me. Prayed for you Barbie. {Hugs.}

  23. Amy Jung says:

    I agree…you’ve chosen wisely. A decision based on what God is showing you, not on what you think you have to do for others. Perhaps your decision and transparency inspires us all way beyond what a handful more posts would have. May our Father who refreshes and comforts and provides show you tangible mercies today!
    Amy Jung recently posted..Trusting in the Name of the Lord Our God

  24. Diane says:

    I am new to your blog. I can’t say, “I stumbled on your blog by accident.” God awoken me to give you hope. That sounds a bit arrogant. But, in my journey of life…He often awakens me to write. Sometimes, a note to a friend. Other times, to someone I don’t know. I’ve been where you are, losing a job. Facing financial difficulties (too many to count). Injuries to my body. My spirit. My entire self. But do you know what? God has a message of hope for you! When He said, “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I am with you”….He NEVER said, “we would stay in that valley! Praise God for that. I believe you are in the valley…but He promised we would move mountains & we’d stand on the mountain top!
    my former Pastor one said, ” Don’t give up. Keep going! Putting one foot on front of the other. But, I am reminded Of two things, 1 He is faithful to the broken hearted. 2. He is wants you to come to the cross…he wants us to, Come just as we are. Hear His spirit call.” May the grace, peace and love of Our Great God, be with you. He is faithful!

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