Life is moving slowly for me. More slowly than I would like, and it’s not because I’m being still and seeking Him in the silence. I can’t seem to find the energy for all the things I have to do, let alone what I what to do. So, I’m not doing much of anything.
I’ve been asking God where I went wrong. In the seeking, the praying and the pursuit of living a more fulfilled life, I seem to have lost sight of Him as life stands at a still emotionally, physically and spiritually.
In the midst of a new job, I feel anxious, unsure if I made the right decision. I really miss the last chapter of my life.
In the midst of my study of Advent, my vision has become cloudy and I’ve stopped seeking.
In the midst of a marriage that needs work in order to be healthy, I’ve become complacent and comfortable.
In the midst of hopes and dreams yet unfulfilled, I’ve thrown myself into a pit and can’t seem to get out.
What I am learning is that when life took yet another turn, and weariness coupled with exhaustion together with “too much on my plate” set in, I have only been able to see two feet in front of me. I am unable, or unwilling perhaps, to see Jesus in the midst of the chaos and the brokenness. This wasn’t the kind of beauty I was seeking, that which comes with a messy, chaotic and in-desperate-need-of-healing life. I much prefer the kind of beauty that is neat and tidy, calm and peaceful and completely whole.
I’m weak and weary, and in need of a Savior. Why then when life gets hard do I stop seeking? I barely have the strength to reach beyond my circumstances and see Him for who He is.
But my Savior, He sees it all. He is right here in the middle of my mess and His desire is that I would look into His eyes and behold Him. When I behold Him, all of the chaos and confusion falls away.
[Tweet “This is the beauty of redemption. He sees it all. He knows it all. Yet, He still comes.”]
No matter what season I may be going through, no matter if my pursuit becomes a standstill, He still reaches down from Heaven to meet me, right here in the midst of all that threatens to consume me.
I want to seek Him, not just on the days when life is going good. I want to seek Him all the more when life is hard. And friends, life is just hard right now. I covet your prayers as I move through this season.
How are you seeing the beauty of redemption in your own life?
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