36 In Weekend Whispers

When Winter Lingers // Weekend Whispers

I’m a California girl, born and raised. I love the weather here, not too cold, not too hot. Even though it’s been cool and rainy here, I know that Spring is on the horizon.

In a spiritual sense, though, I’m in the middle of a winter that has seemed to linger far too long now.  My family keeps finding ourselves in places of loss and transition — hard, fear-fighting transition.

I long for winter to pass. I want to go outside and feel the sunshine on my face. I want to take long walks without a coat, and sip an iced latte. I want to feel my toes sink deep into the spring grass.

Winter1

Spring is a season of life and hope and of new beginnings. I want this season very much in my life now.

I wish I could tell you that I’m doing okay. Well perhaps I am, doing just okay. I feel as if I am in survival mode. I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t tell you I’m struggling through this winter. I keep trying to brush away the cold. unwilling to yield to the cool air which takes your breath away.

winter3

I want so badly to lean in to the whispers of God in this season.

I have not forsaken you.

Trust in Me.

Keep your eyes on Me.

For I know the plans I have for you….

Plans to prosper you, not to harm you.

To give you a hope and a future.

My heart is heavy and I’m fighting anxiety and depression on a daily basis. I want so badly to be strong, just like I’ve been in other seasons of loss. Yet sometimes the reality of so much loss and heartache over so few years becomes so overwhelming. It’s all I can do sometimes to swim to the surface, gasp for air and sink back down again where I can remain unfeeling and hope that this will pass soon.

Some would ask, “where is your faith?”. I ask myself this question, all the time. My head tells me that God is good. My heart cries out, “show me your goodness, Lord”.

We came out of the wilderness, bruised, broken but with so much hope. And out of no where, circumstances leave us yearning, wanting, begging, asking, knocking. I can’t hear His voice. I don’t know what He’s saying.

“Where are you in all of this, God?”

“Did you not promise to bring us through the wilderness?”

I question why. I sometimes feel guilty for the way that I feel. And I hesitate to bare my brokenness here. But this space has been built on transparency. So I will continue to come, when I can muster the strength, and bare my heart and soul.

Winter2

My heart aches for a life free of stress and worry. I know all about casting my cares and putting my hope in God. My reality is a mix of emotions with a head that believes, but a heart that must fight every day to hold on to that belief.

My head tells me that God is good. My heart cries, “show me your goodness, Lord!”

If you follow my personal Facebook page, you will know that I have set up a GoFundMe account to help our family with rent and food during the time my husband is disabled. If you don’t know the background, it’s all there. We covet your prayers and if you are able to help in any way, we would greatly appreciate it. You can click here to find out more.

We don’t have too far to go to reach our goal, although my husbands prognosis is uncertain and his condition has become very debilitating.

All we can do is continue to cry out for God to show us His goodness.

Yet I am confident I will see the LORD’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. (Psalm 27:13)

Thank you for your grace and for allowing me to share my heart so openly with you here. I love this community. You encourage me greatly.

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Weekend Whispers is place to share what God is whispering to your heart. It can be a post, a photo, a scripture — just as long as it’s encouraging and uplifting. Be sure to visit your link-up neighbors. *Please link up ONE post. Any additional posts may be deleted. We do not want to distract people from visiting one another. We appreciate your understanding.



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36 Comments

  • Reply
    Joanne Viola
    January 23, 2016 at 2:55 am

    Dear Barbie. I cannot imagine the entire scope of loss which you have and continue to experience. It truly has been a long winter with one storm on top of another. I pray that our God would supply all your needs. That our God would strengthen you, pulling you out of the anxiety & depression. May He bring assurance of His Presence there with you & display Himself in your circumstances. Blessings.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 23, 2016 at 9:02 am

      Thank you Joanne. I appreciate you so much.

  • Reply
    Beth S.
    January 23, 2016 at 3:48 am

    I love you, dear friend, and you are very much in my prayers.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 23, 2016 at 1:41 pm

      I adore you friend. Thank you for your prayers.

  • Reply
    Kerri
    January 23, 2016 at 4:45 am

    My head tells me that God is good. My heart cries, “show me your goodness, Lord!”
    I could have written these words myself!!
    Oh, Barbie, I read your blog often but have not commented in so very long!! My prayers are with you sweet friend!!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 23, 2016 at 1:46 pm

      Kerri! Wow I miss you my friend. Thank you for stopping by, for reading and commenting. I so appreciate your prayers!

  • Reply
    Debbie W.
    January 23, 2016 at 5:17 am

    Barbie so sorry you are in this winter, but Spring’s a coming and as a wise man once told me “this too shall pass.” Lifting your family in prayers. My niece recently recommended a natural product for knees at Christmas because my husband has been having problems. We picked some up at Sprouts. My SIL was also having problems and we told her. Both she and my husband had immediate relief and my niece. It probably is not as serious as your husband’s, but it worked. My sister in law said she is going to order some cheaper on line than it was at Sprouts. It is called No. 7. I think it was $30 for a 90 day supply. It’s worth a try when the other stuff is not working. HUGS to you!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 23, 2016 at 1:51 pm

      Thank you Debbie for sharing this information. We are willing to try anything at this point. Blessings!

  • Reply
    Nannette and the Sweetheart
    January 23, 2016 at 5:41 am

    Love and prayers to you in this season of difficulty. When we discover that God is all we have we see that He is truly all we need. Praying today you will see the light at the end of the tunnel and your trial will be a testimony to bless others. I don’t believe God puts things on us but He can definitely use it for His glory! ♥

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 23, 2016 at 1:56 pm

      Thank you for your encouragement Nannette.

  • Reply
    Trudy
    January 23, 2016 at 8:37 am

    My heart breaks for you, Barbie. I am glad you are so transparent. It makes me feel less alone. May our hearts open to God’s whispers. Praying for strength, peace, and healing in every way for you and your family!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 23, 2016 at 2:16 pm

      Thank you Trudy. I appreciate you!

  • Reply
    Joy Lenton
    January 23, 2016 at 12:33 pm

    Barbie, please don’t hesitate to bare your brokenness here or allow for soul transparency. It’s what helps other to feel less alone with their wounds, doubts and fears. And it’s what draws us back to read your honest words and have an opportunity to turn our concern into prayer. Think what you (and we) might miss if you were more circumspect. Saying that, I want you to know you are not alone in sitting with heavy feelings of sadness in this season. It’s far more common than we realise, although each person’s circumstances may differ.
    My heart aches for your pain and I long for the Lord to step in and make all things new for you. But I also sense that when our faith feels smaller even than a mustard seed, we can so easily forget that it’s the size of our God and the redemptive power of the One we have faith in that matters most, not how tiny we think our faith may be.
    Rest in knowing His love for you is infinite, as is His compassion and care. And sometimes God chooses to reveal that not in feelings but in provision from others in the form of prayers, support, encouragement or financial gifts. I’m lifting you to Him and asking for your heart to be held tenderly in awareness of being His beloved child, for grace to cope while life looks bleak, and for strength and hope to rise as you place your faith (of whatever size) in His ability to see you through this. Our God is faithful to His word. Blessings, love and hugs to you, dear friend.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 23, 2016 at 2:20 pm

      You have encouraged my heart greatly Joy. Thank you so very much.

  • Reply
    Gayl Wright
    January 23, 2016 at 2:39 pm

    Barbie, I’m so sorry for all the hard things you’ve had recently. I pray that your husband will find some relief, that God would give wisdom and healing, that He would be near and comfort, assuring you of His presence even when it’s so hard to see. May he bless you abundantly!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 24, 2016 at 9:27 pm

      Thank you so much Gayle! I appreciate you prayers.

  • Reply
    Julie Lefebure
    January 23, 2016 at 4:41 pm

    Barbie, you are loved my so many, and by the One Who created you. I thank you for sharing your life and your story with us through your words. God is using you for His glory and for His purposes. I pray God meets you right where you are at this very moment. I pray He reveals Himself to you in a very intimate way. I pray you feel His loving presence. And I pray He continues to provide for your and your family’s every need. You are His. Much love.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 24, 2016 at 9:28 pm

      Thank you Julie for encouraging my heart greatly. Blessings!

  • Reply
    Kym
    January 23, 2016 at 6:08 pm

    Oh Barbie, my heart aches for all that you and your family are going through. Praying for healing and God’s provision for you, and that God will show his love and power to you in such a real way. (((hugs))) and prayers, my friend.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 24, 2016 at 9:28 pm

      Thank you Kym!

  • Reply
    bluecottonmemory
    January 23, 2016 at 6:47 pm

    Praying that you feel God standing beside you, being with you in the very hard of this time. Praying for you and your family!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 24, 2016 at 9:30 pm

      Thank you so much my friend. I appreciate you!

  • Reply
    June
    January 23, 2016 at 7:20 pm

    I think your faith shines brightly, Barbie. When we are in the wilderness, we don’t always “feel” faithful, we are too overwhelmed with dryness and despair at times to realize it is our faith in God that is supporting us and bringing us through. He is faithful in all things. The cries of your heart do not go unheard or unanswered, beloved.You may not see it now, but when you look back on this time in your life you will see that His presence was profoundly surrounding you and your family. Do not loose hope, my friend. Deep prayers are covering you this night.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 24, 2016 at 9:31 pm

      Your words are a balm to my weary soul.Thank you June!

  • Reply
    Elizabeth Stewart
    January 23, 2016 at 7:37 pm

    I don’t know why your “Job season” has been so long and so relentless. I continue to pray for breakthrough for you.

  • Reply
    Betsy de Cruz
    January 23, 2016 at 9:12 pm

    Barbie, I’m praying for you right now. May the Lord cover you with His grace and draw you to Himself. May He provide every need you and your family have. Oh Lord, extend your healing hand over Barbie’s husband.

    It has been a long winter for you, friend. I am so sorry. Praying that the Lord will comfort you. You are holding on, and that is an amazing victory. You’re a testimony.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 24, 2016 at 9:24 pm

      Thank you so much Betsy. At times I feel like I’m holing on by a thread, but yes, I’m holding on. I know He promises to bring us through, so I will stand firm on that promise.

  • Reply
    Beth
    January 24, 2016 at 11:56 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about you and your husband’s struggles, Barbie. I had no idea! Will add you to my prayer list. Please continue to let us know how you and your hubby are doing in the weeks and months ahead. It is so great that you are being vulnerable and real about your struggles. Many, including me, are warmed by it!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 24, 2016 at 9:23 pm

      Thank you so much Beth. I will try to update more often as best I can. Have a blessed week.

  • Reply
    Jamie S. Harper
    January 24, 2016 at 12:07 pm

    I identify with your winter season. Sometimes it feels like winter is my only season. Some days are good, and then some are just plain hard. I am finding it hard to write about, but I so appreciate your words here.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 24, 2016 at 9:21 pm

      I completely understand. My brain is foggy, but I’m trying to write more through the process. Hugs to you my friend.

  • Reply
    Susan Shipe
    January 24, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    Barbie, I’ve been emotionally bankrupt; physically bankrupt, but you are truly going through a Job season. And I don’t want to be one of his awful friends so I just want to say that I love you and want you to know I am praying for you.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      January 24, 2016 at 9:21 pm

      Thank you so much Susan. I really appreciate you and your prayers.

  • Reply
    Melody
    January 25, 2016 at 3:21 pm

    Barbie….I knew it was a rough time but I didn’t understand until I read more of what ya’ll are going through. I am so sorry. I am praying for your family, your husband’s healing and for God’s hand of provision during this time. Thank you for still sharing and not going dark during this time. It’s hard to share during times like this – satan would love to make us overanalyze and think we can’t share for fear of many things. But I thank God you are willing to still share in the midst of your struggle. The light will shine forth in due time. Hang in there. Praying for you.

  • Reply
    Lyli @3dlessons4life.com
    February 4, 2016 at 12:18 pm

    Praying for you. Hugs

  • Reply
    Diana
    January 3, 2017 at 8:27 am

    I did not know the full story about Lynn’s knee until I read through your GoFundMe updates and some of your blog. (That’s what I get for not keeping up in visiting blogging friends for a year!) I can totally empathize with you on so many levels. Our prayers will be doubled for him – all of you – that this can somehow be resolved! We serve a BIG God… He is greater than anything we might daily have to face. Sending you a big cyber hug and many, MANY prayers, my friend!

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