14 In My 5 Minute Fridays

Slow // Five Minute Friday

Thrilled to be writing among the beautiful Five Minute Friday community. This is where we write for just five minutes, on a word prompt. We don’t worry about perfection or making it just right, but rather allow the words to flow freely without over thinking. If you’ve never written for the Five Minute Friday, come join us. You will be glad you did!


*I originally wrote this post thinking the word was still, so some editing had to be done. Not too much as still and slow are interchangeable here. 🙂

If I were being honest (and I always am), I would tell you that I fear slowing down. Perhaps fear is a strong word. Let’s just say that I avoid stillness, purposely. I always feel the need to keep my mind engaged and my body moving.

Yes, I’m working on it. I know it’s not healthy emotionally or physically to keep myself in a constant state of motion. But it is where I’m most comfortable.

When I allow myself to slow down, my mind begins to go to places that I’d rather not go to — reliving past hurt or pain; reasoning with myself about decisions I need to make; thinking about all of the wrong in the world and wondering how little ‘ole me can make a difference. My mind begins to fill itself up with “what if’s” and “if only’s”, and I wonder once again if I’ve done enough, said enough, or am enough.

Call it ADD. Call it being undisciplined. Call it “avoiding the issues”. Whatever it is that causes my mind (and body) to want to stay busy is something I carry with me even into the holy place. I think the biggest issue for me is I’m an avoider — I don’t want to face reality sometimes. The hard truth is often too hard to bare (even though I know it’s His burden to carry). I believe that in the stillness I may here Him say something to me that I’m not prepared to hear and then that opens up a whole can of worms about my lack of obedience, etc. and so on. So even in His presence I keep myself busy reading, praying, journaling, singing. Even in the place where I crave slow there is constant motion. It’s what keeps me sane.

Even in the place where I crave slow there is constant motion. #fmfparty Click To Tweet

Someone once told me that perhaps I’ve been so disappointed by God in the past that I cannot allow myself to fully receive. Therefore, I’ve put up walls of protection to avoid being hurt again. Who puts up walls to keep God out? I suppose I do sometimes.

I know God waits for me with open arms. He’s waiting for me to let the walls down so that I can come to Him and not fear what He might say or what He might take away. He wants me to slow down and learn to trust Him in the stillness, where nothing stands between us.

I want to trust You in the stillness, where nothing stands between us. #fmfparty Click To Tweet

 

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14 Comments

  • Reply
    annette from A net in Time
    February 23, 2017 at 8:59 pm

    Barbie, I think we all put up hedges around ourselves at times. I know I like to keep busy as well… but you know what… if God wants to make himself heard…even in that busy-ness..he can slow us right down…JUST ENOUGH to hear him and to be changed forever.

    Take your moment. Grab that quietness when you can…but fear not the busy-ness…it’s not an enemy (most of the time) but there are times when you have to say enough …

    I AM still learning this… it’s HARD to be quiet and still.. I know this well. Fight it together sister? 🙂

    • Reply
      Barbie
      February 23, 2017 at 9:01 pm

      Yes, together my friend. I feel like my mind is in a constant state of war. Thanks so much for stopping by and offering up encouragement for my heart.

      • Reply
        annette from A net in Time
        March 1, 2017 at 6:31 pm

        just checking in Barbie. Have you managed to find moments of quiet this week?

        • Reply
          Barbie
          March 2, 2017 at 9:05 pm

          Thanks for checking in Annette. Sadly, it’s been a rough week, on all fronts. Work is crazy busy. Working for a CPA during tax season is no joke. I am dealing with some emotional things at home and just a little down. I so appreciation you checking in. The moments of stillness are coming, they have to. Hugs!

  • Reply
    Tara
    February 23, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    Be still…..and know that I am God. So much easier said than done. But it’s good for us to slow down and listen, isn’t it?

    • Reply
      Barbie
      February 25, 2017 at 7:56 am

      Oh yes, so much easier said than done. Thanks for stopping by Tara.

  • Reply
    Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
    February 23, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    Barbie, I can SO relate! When I bought into the narrative that God sent my afflictions to make me ‘draw closer to Him’, I thought, well, no thanks. Anyone who’s going to do THIS to me, they need avoiding.

    And then I realized that the narrative was a lie, and that He was as devastated as I was…but that to jump in and make everything all right again would be a total negation of the need for free will. The freedom to choose Him – or not – is vital.

    #3 at FMF this week.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2017/02/your-dying-spouse-276-journey-to.html

    • Reply
      Barbie
      February 25, 2017 at 7:57 am

      That’s so true Andrew! So glad you stopped by. Blessings!

  • Reply
    Christine Duncan
    February 24, 2017 at 10:51 am

    Barbie, I love this so much. Your writing style is so conversational and honest. What a remarkable thing your friend asked… I can’t say I’d have an easy time answering that for myself… your whole post gives me something to think on for the weekend for sure!
    So blessed to have connected with you through today’s #fmf! Waving from #40 today! 🙂 Blessings!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      February 25, 2017 at 7:58 am

      Thank you Christine. I’m thankful to have connected with you and look forward to reading more of your beautiful words.

  • Reply
    ~Karrilee~
    February 24, 2017 at 4:57 pm

    Oh how I love you, friend! I love your willngness to be real and honest here and of course, you know that you are not alone in this practice of building walls thinking they are walls of protection. In the end, we always find out we are locked in more than anything or anyone else is locked out. Praying for you… as I read this post I just kept wondering, Is there not a Sozo ministry near you? I can’t recommend it highly enough!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      February 25, 2017 at 7:59 am

      Oh yes friend, I’ve had a couple of SOZOs’. I think my next step would be a Heart Sync. My protector spirit is so strong I barely made a dent in the SOZOs. Thanks for stopping by my friend!

  • Reply
    June
    February 25, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Sweet friend, these are such hard truths to admit. I pray that just writing this post has given you a measure of freedom to move forward. I can relate to so much of what you shared. I just read a post on IG that said, “Don’t fall for the lie of, “Don’t get your hopes up!” Yes, get your hopes up! Our God is bigger than ANYTHING we face. Think BIG, dream big believe big!” I’m still stumbling over the lie. Praying for God to increase our faith, my friend. Blessings on your weekend.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      February 26, 2017 at 7:55 pm

      Thank you June! You are a blessing!

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