12 In Faith/ My 5 Minute Fridays

Empty // Five Minute Friday

Thrilled to be writing among the beautiful Five Minute Friday community. This is where we write for just five minutes, on a word prompt. We don’t worry about perfection or making it just right, but rather allow the words to flow freely without over thinking. If you’ve never written for the Five Minute Friday, come join us. You will be glad you did!


Sometimes I wonder what difference I am making in the lives of others as I live out my own. Life has been full of the mundane lately — work, homeschooling, house cleaning, cooking, — a life lived on repeat, and I’m not sure I’m making any difference at all.

The truth is, I’m empty. I’m devoid of energy. I lack enthusiasm for living. I have to remember to smile each day and I have to reach for joy.

Why am I telling you this? Because I do not want to portray a life that is all together. My life isn’t together and I feel as if I’m about to completely unravel most days. I made a promise a long time ago that if I was going to write about my life, I was going to write the hard, honest truth, because I am of the belief that there are other people like me in this big, messy, beautiful world.

As we approach Good Friday and Easter Sunday, I am going once again to the foot of the cross. I am broken, bruised, unfulfilled and confused at times about life. I am burdened with weights so heavy that I fear I will break. But I know the answers will come only when I surrender myself to the one who bore it all.

The answers will come only when I surrender myself to the one who bore it all. #fmfparty Click To Tweet

This is who I am:

I’m a woman who carries the weight of her circumstances on her shoulders.
I need others to tell me it will all be okay, because I forget who is really in control.
I’ve camped out in the Psalms over the last few months and can’t seem to move on.
I yell at my kids and they tell me I’m negative and how I’m pushing everyone away.
My husband is struggling physically and emotionally and we barely talk.
I don’t know how to give when I’m so in need.
I like to keep busy so I don’t have to think about all I have to deal with.
My strength is zapped and some days all I want to do is sleep.
I can’t do laundry because I just don’t care.
I can’t clean house because it’s too overwhelming.
I push all my hurt and pain down deep hoping it will just disappear.

I can’t help but think about the weight He must have endured when He carried my fears and failures, guilt and shame, and hurt and pain up that hill. As I reflect on the cross and how He gave it all — for me — I can’t help but cry, “Lord, I’m not worthy!”

But as I imagine Him there, inhaling breath for the very last time, I can almost hear Him saying,

“Barbie, I love you. You are worthy of my love.” And I am reminded once again how love covers a multitude of sin.

As I go once again to the foot of the cross, I will ask Him to take my sin and shame. I will ask Him to heal my hurt and pain and to help me to live a life worthy of being seen by others. As I reflect on the empty tomb, it gives me strength to face my own emptiness.

Only He can fill my voids.
Only He can satisfy my longings.
Only He can fill me to overflowing.

There is a cross. But there is an empty grave. Thank you Jesus that You died and rose again.

12 Comments

  • Reply
    Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
    April 13, 2017 at 10:46 pm

    Barbie, the unvarnished truth is so necessary…and you’re so very brave for putting it out there.

    When you bring the truth to Jesus, He will indeed set you free.

    Praying for you, dear heart.

    #1 at FMF this week.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2017/04/your-dying-spouse-297-easter-rising-and.html

  • Reply
    Alice Nine
    April 13, 2017 at 11:10 pm

    Ah, Barbie, you are right: we must go to the feet of Jesus. In Him we live and move and have our being. I’m praying for you tonight. I’m praying that you will awaken with a song singing inside of you… before you even put your feet on the floor. Not just tomorrow, but morning after morning. And when it comes, sing it. Hold on to it all day, no matter what. The Lord tells us that His joy is our strength. May His joy (not yours) fill your heart to overflowing. Hugs to you, dear sister ! #7 at FMF this week.

  • Reply
    Melissa
    April 14, 2017 at 1:14 am

    I can so relate to this. Depression is not something we can just snap out of! Praying for you!

  • Reply
    Rachelle Craig
    April 14, 2017 at 4:24 am

    Oh Barbie! I love your transparency and your unwavering faith! You are an inspiration! Thank you! Praying for you and your family this Easter weekend!

  • Reply
    June
    April 14, 2017 at 9:24 am

    Dear one, I pray that the answers will come as you reflect on Him this weekend, at the foot of the cross. You are daily in my prayers.

  • Reply
    Jolene
    April 14, 2017 at 9:36 am

    Thank you for being transparent and sharing your heart. This is such an important reminder that only he can fill my voids and satisfy my longings. I pray that you have a blessed Easter.

  • Reply
    Tara
    April 14, 2017 at 12:27 pm

    Amen! Praying for you friend. I’m in the 43 spot this week.

  • Reply
    Annette @ a net in time
    April 14, 2017 at 1:23 pm

    Barbie….God can and will meet your needs, sometimes he does that through helpful others.

  • Reply
    BettieG
    April 14, 2017 at 2:53 pm

    Thank you for sharing your vulnerable heart! If we would face the truth, there is an emptiness inside each one of us. Your words here are so true: “As I reflect on the empty tomb, it gives me strength to face my own emptiness.” And, it’s because He’s risen that He has the strength to fill up our own weaknesses. May the Lord bring great blessing to your heart, and comfort to your soul!

  • Reply
    Bonnie
    April 14, 2017 at 7:32 pm

    Amen to this! I love your honesty and realism which is just what I needed to hear. You are not alone with those feelings so many of us walk this road feeling empty and void. I love how you bring it all back to God to satisfy every longing. Yes!

  • Reply
    Gayl
    April 15, 2017 at 10:02 am

    Oh, Barbie, I can so identify with you. Sometimes everything just seems so overwhelming, but we can take it to the cross. He will hear us and He will comfort. Yes, we will still mess up and we will still feel overwhelmed at times, but we know that He loves us and will never leave us. May He draw us close and fill us with his comfort.

    Blessings and hugs to you, dear Barbie! xo

  • Reply
    Jacqui
    April 15, 2017 at 4:12 pm

    Barbie, thank you for being so vulnerable. I believe God meets us in our vulnerability and amen, love covers a multitude of sin. Keep pressing into Him and He’ll give you enthusiasm for life when it’s time. Love you, sweet sister.

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