34 In Glimpses

Crushed In Spirit // Glimpses Link Up

Some days the weight of what I’m processing through seems so heavy. It’s not that I have any huge issue going on, but it’s a lot of little things that have happened (or didn’t happen) over the last several years that are robbing me of the peace that is rightfully mine in Christ. I’ve been pondering today what it means to feel crushed in spirit.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
(Psalm 34:18)

Exhaustion plays a huge role in my emotional well being, and most days I function on about 4-5 hours sleep. Not near enough for a woman who carries as much as I do. I’ve been thinking I should probably try and get to bed earlier most days, but when the house is quite and the kids go to bed, I like to lose myself in Netflix marathons. In a way, I’m choosing to add to the stress on my mind, body and spirit by not taking better care of myself. But I can’t seem to give up the “me” time that I so desperately crave. I don’t have to think when I’m sitting in front of the TV. It’s easy to get lost in someone else’s problems and take a break from your own.

When your heart is broken, you do anything you can to avoid the issues. At least I do. So many years of disappointment, lost dreams, financial stress and other things have caused me to go a little numb, a lot numb. I want to be in touch with my feelings, yet I don’t. I trust God that He is the Healer and able to bring me through, but it’s the process that I fear.

God is patient. He does not demand His way. He will sit back and wait for us to come to Him. I know that if I were to give him my brokenness, completely, holding nothing back, that He would be faithful to lead me through to the other side. I think I’ve become so comfortable with not feeling anything that I’m afraid to feel.

As I process through this part of my life, I am thankful for this promise today, that God is near to the brokenhearted. He will not abandon me in my time of sorrow. No matter how long I hold on to those things I should have laid down a long time ago, God understands. I’m disappointed in myself for not having more faith, for not rising above the ashes of my life, for not standing because all I want to do is lay down.

I want to open my heart up again. I want to feel His love and mercy. I want to be in touch with my own feelings so that I could understand how I’ve allowed myself to get to this place.

My prayer is that God would be near, that I would feel the weight of His presence as He leads me through to the other side.

My prayer is that God would be near, that I would feel the weight of His presence as He leads me… Click To Tweet

*I never intended to share so personally and vulnerably about my bouts with depression and my deep disappointment about where I am in my life spiritually. But this is what’s coming out these days. I hope you don’t mind. I am so glad you are here.

And now I continue to list the beauty that I’m finding in my every day life.

Glimpses #551-560

551. A last minute coffee date with a friend.
552. Our new-to-us dining room table (pictures coming soon!)
553. A husband who knows how to work with wood.
554. A God who draws near to the brokenhearted.
555. A hotel room booked for our weekend getaway coming soon.
556. A unexpected bonus at work.
557. A refrigerator full of leftovers for lunches this week.
558. Scholarships for my kids who leave for youth retreat tomorrow.
559. He upholds me with His strong right arm.
560. Psalm 43:5

The Glimpses link up will open at 12:01 AM (PST) each Monday, and will remain open through Noon on Saturday. I am looking forward to reading your posts and visiting your blogs this week!

It is time to share the glimpses of beauty found this week.
Words written, gratitude given, photos taken, things created — anything that reflects the beauty of God revealed in your ordinary life.
1. Grab the button to place in your post, or simply link back here.
2. Link up with the post permalink, and not just your blog url.
3. Visit and encourage others who link up. We need each other!
4. Share about the link up on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
5. Use the hashtag #glimpsesofhisbeauty so that we can find each other’s posts.



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34 Comments

  • Reply
    Lesley
    July 31, 2017 at 12:33 am

    I appreciate your honesty in sharing and that verse is encouraging. Praying with you that you would know God’s presence with you and that he would guide your steps.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:01 pm

      Thank you so much Lesley!

  • Reply
    Bev @ Walking Well With God
    July 31, 2017 at 4:45 am

    Barbie,
    I struggle with an anxiety disorder and depression. One of the greatest helps I’ve found is that I have to guard my sleep like a momma bear!! If I don’t get 7-8 hours, I find that depression is a lot more likely to slip in. For me, sleep deprivation is like swinging wide the doors and letting the enemy waltz on in. Self care is important…especially so for those of us who struggle with additional burdens. Praying for rest for you sweet friend,
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:02 pm

      Thank you Bev. I know I’ve been disobedient in this area. It’s something I want to do better at — sleep and self-care.

  • Reply
    jodie filogomo
    July 31, 2017 at 5:16 am

    We always think that keeping our feeling inside is the best way, but sharing them really helps me too. Whether it’s with God or friends…
    XOXO
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:03 pm

      I find this to be true as well Jodie. Thanks for reading!

  • Reply
    Sarah Geringer
    July 31, 2017 at 6:02 am

    Praying for God to lift you up today, Barbie.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:03 pm

      Thank you Sarah!

  • Reply
    Debby
    July 31, 2017 at 6:45 am

    Oh, Barbie, you are so brave to share yourself. This is a safe place with caring people wanting the best for each other, strangers that we are in a sense. I wrote about being numb in the Tiny Letter I sent to my subscribers just yesterday. I know the temptations of it well. And Bev is right about sleep. We’re our own worst enemies, aren’t we? You aren’t alone. Anxiety is one of my closest friends. I keep trying o break up but, it seems I have to do it over and over. I think you’ve taken the hardest step…sharing it. Now keep taking steps, slow, measured, and feel his grace and compassion surrounding you. You’re safe. You’re loved.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:10 pm

      Thanks Debby. I subscribe to your blog in a reader, so I don’t receive your subscriber emails. I would love to read what you shared. Thanks for our prayers and encouragement.

      • Reply
        Debby
        August 1, 2017 at 5:15 am

        Babie, will you send me an email I can send that to you? Thank you

  • Reply
    Lux G.
    July 31, 2017 at 6:57 am

    That sounds like my prayer.
    Thank you for your boldness and honesty in sharing. You have given us so much hope and inspiration.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:10 pm

      Thank you Lux. I am so grateful you are here.

  • Reply
    Christine Malkemes
    July 31, 2017 at 7:31 am

    The enemy is Netflix? Oh My! thank you for sharing honestly. I’m working on turning the TV off and sitting in the chair to capture the day in gratefulness. Started it last week. It made a difference – a difference at least in my attitude and thought process.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:11 pm

      Ha ha, no….but when I don’t do what I’m supposed to I guess you could say that. I’m trying to spend more time reading in the evenings, but I keep falling asleep. Now that alone ought to tell me something. Ha!

  • Reply
    Lea Culp
    July 31, 2017 at 8:02 am

    Blessings to you Barbie, praying for your peace and comfort as you meet life head on. This is your space and it is here for you to express whatever is on your heart. It is an option for folks to stop by, no one is forcing them to, so never feel bad about expressing your heart. Hope it’s a better week for you dear one.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      Lea, thank you so much. I am so thankful you stopped by. Praying you have a blessed week.

  • Reply
    Susan Shipe
    July 31, 2017 at 9:43 am

    We will always be here for you, Barbie.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      Thank you Susan. I appreciate you!

  • Reply
    June
    July 31, 2017 at 10:59 am

    Barbie, I can’t speak for anyone else here, but in my opinion, this is a safe place for you to share. Sharing honestly about what you’re going through can only help you and even others who may be facing some of the same issues. My heart hurts over your pain and feelings of despair. I pray that you will continue to take baby steps forward and one day, soon, be able to release all that you’re holding back into His loving arms. God will never leave you empty and hurting. Whatever you release to Him He will replace with good things, that which can not even imagine. You’re in my prayers, dear one.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      I appreciate you, more than you know. Thank you June!

  • Reply
    Lisa notes
    July 31, 2017 at 11:37 am

    Praying for peace for your soul, Barbie. May God give you grace to know when the time is right to dig deeper into the issues. I know there will be beauty on the other side!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:14 pm

      That’s a great though to ponder…finding beauty on the other side. Thank you Lisa!

  • Reply
    Marie
    July 31, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    I’m thankful that you share so honestly, because, as one who struggles with mental illness, I need to know that I’m not alone in the battle. I completely understand the times when you feel so much that you feel nothing at all and the numbness becomes more bearable than the pain. Hugs and love, my friend.

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:14 pm

      Thank you Marie. I am thankful to have found you in this vast world of blogging.

  • Reply
    BettieG
    July 31, 2017 at 6:33 pm

    Thank you for your open-hearted sharing. My thoughts seem to be in a similar place this week, so I will keep you in my prayers, my friend!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 8:15 pm

      Thank you BettieG. Praying for you as well my friend.

  • Reply
    BettieG
    July 31, 2017 at 6:39 pm

    Barbie, I am also so sorry that the post I linked up must have something wrong with the picture? It isn’t showing up, and since it isn’t showing up, I can’t find the option that is normally on the picture to be able to delete it and try again!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      July 31, 2017 at 7:59 pm

      BettieG, I will delete it for you. Please try again!

      • Reply
        BettieG
        August 1, 2017 at 7:47 am

        Thank you Barbie! I think it came through correctly this time! I appreciate your safe place here so much!

  • Reply
    ~Karrilee~
    August 3, 2017 at 10:07 am

    I love you so! Here’s to August being a MUCH better month for us both!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 3, 2017 at 8:58 pm

      AMEN! You’ve been on my heart. Love you girl!

  • Reply
    Diana
    August 6, 2017 at 8:42 am

    Thank you for sharing your human struggles with us so that we know how to pray for you. I believe your words touch so many who may be going through the same things and need to know they only have to reach for God. As always, sending up many heartfelt prayers for you, dear Barbie!

    • Reply
      Barbie
      August 6, 2017 at 8:57 am

      Thank you my dear friend! I appreciate you.

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