When You Can’t Find Your Way Back
When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my.
I’m here. Barely. Thank you for your patience with me as I weathered a very stressful tax season at the office. The tax preparer we hired in the summer quite right before tax season started, and then our EA (my boss’s mother who started the firm over 40 years ago) got sick and so we were on our own the last three weeks. I put in a lot of overtime but we got it done, even though we had to put a lot of her clients on extension. We will continue to prepare our individual returns but the stress of the season is mostly behind us.
I’ve been pondering this post. I’ve missed you all so much and yet I find myself in the same place where I’ve been most of this year, feeling as if I have nothing to offer you. I no longer feel as if I have a niche nor do I feel that I have anything worthy to say.
Some have asked if it’s time to lay the blog down. I’ve pondered this as well. I’ve really only been blogging once a week for the last year or so, so it’s not that I’m trying to write and nothing is happening. I long to be more present in this place, but I don’t know how right now. Honestly, I don’t know where I would be in this season of my life if it wasn’t for those of you who come here periodically to say hello, to encourage my heart and to pray for me. I think it’s for that reason that I’m hanging on to the blog, although the writing is (and has been) scarce. I need you.
For now, I’m laying the link up down. I’ve struggled over it, because Mondays have been my only consistent day of writing and if it goes, I fear I may disappear. I’m hoping that God will resurrect it, once He resurrects me. I need to return to the land of the living. I want to be the powerful, strong woman that He created me to be. But there are still so many things I’m struggling with in my life and I believe that is why it’s been hard for me to come here to write. One cannot offer hope and healing to others when they so desperately need it themselves. I believe the link up should be a place of hope and encouragement and I cannot continue it if I’m in a downward spiral.One cannot offer hope and healing to others when they so desperately need it themselves. Click To Tweet
I’ve been laying hold of the chorus in Rita Springer’s song, Defender. I do feel lost. I’m not sure how to find my way back to the land of the living. I know I’ve put up many walls and that is one reason that I walk around in a daze and can’t feel anything. I am broken and hurting and disillusioned with many things, but I am thankful for a God who picks up the pieces of my life and puts me back together again.
My hope is that I won’t disappear altogether and that I won’t lose you all in the process. I understand if you need to unsubscribe. I will be reading your blogs as often as I can and I know that God will encourage my heart through your words.
I love and appreciate you all. Thank you for the continual grace you offer to me in this space. I would welcome your prayers as I continue to wrestle and struggle through this season.