When You Can’t Find Your Way Back

When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my.

I’m here. Barely. Thank you for your patience with me as I weathered a very stressful tax season at the office. The tax preparer we hired in the summer quite right before tax season started, and then our EA (my boss’s mother who started the firm over 40 years ago) got sick and so we were on our own the last three weeks. I put in a lot of overtime but we got it done, even though we had to put a lot of her clients on extension. We will continue to prepare our individual returns but the stress of the season is mostly behind us.

I’ve been pondering this post. I’ve missed you all so much and yet I find myself in the same place where I’ve been most of this year, feeling as if I have nothing to offer you. I no longer feel as if I have a niche nor do I feel that I have anything worthy to say.

Some have asked if it’s time to lay the blog down. I’ve pondered this as well. I’ve really only been blogging once a week for the last year or so, so it’s not that I’m trying to write and nothing is happening.  I long to be more present in this place, but I don’t know how right now.  Honestly, I don’t know where I would be in this season of my life if it wasn’t for those of you who come here periodically to say hello, to encourage my heart and to pray for me. I think it’s for that reason that I’m hanging on to the blog, although the writing is (and has been) scarce. I need you.

For now, I’m laying the link up down. I’ve struggled over it, because Mondays have been my only consistent day of writing and if it goes, I fear I may disappear.  I’m hoping that God will resurrect it, once He resurrects me.  I need to return to the land of the living. I want to be the powerful, strong woman that He created me to be.  But there are still so many things I’m struggling with in my life and I believe that is why it’s been hard for me to come here to write.  One cannot offer hope and healing to others when they so desperately need it themselves. I believe the link up should be a place of hope and encouragement and I cannot continue it if I’m in a downward spiral.

One cannot offer hope and healing to others when they so desperately need it themselves. Click To Tweet

I’ve been laying hold of the chorus in Rita Springer’s song, Defender.  I do feel lost. I’m not sure how to find my way back to the land of the living.  I know I’ve put up many walls and that is one reason that I walk around in a daze and can’t feel anything.  I am broken and hurting and disillusioned with many things, but I am thankful for a God who picks up the pieces of my life and puts me back together again.

My hope is that I won’t disappear altogether and that I won’t lose you all in the process. I understand if you need to unsubscribe. I will be reading your blogs as often as I can and I know that God will encourage my heart through your words.

I love and appreciate you all. Thank you for the continual grace you offer to me in this space. I would welcome your prayers as I continue to wrestle and struggle through this season.


The Promise of Spring // Glimpses Link Up

Oh dear friends, how I’ve missed you. Not only am I not doing much writing, but I’m not doing much reading and so I feel as if I’ve lost touch with all of you. Tax season has meant long days and weekends with little energy left over for writing or social media.  But honestly, I haven’t felt like writing much. I know a lot of it has to do with my lack of energy, but I feel as if I’m stuck in another rut.  Life moves swiftly past my eyes and I find myself questioning if I’m living the life God has planned for me. Do you ever feel as if life is happening all around you, but you aren’t really caught up in it yet? In some ways, I feel as if I’m on the sidelines looking in.

Life moves swiftly and I find myself questioning if I'm living the life God has planned for me. #glimpsesofhisbeauty Click To Tweet

I’ve been asking God to show me the greater plan for my life, because I know there is one. I don’t have an answer yet.  All I know to do is to love Him and allow Him to love me, and to love others. Beyond that, I live day to day.

Depression and anxiety will stop you from living the life you were intended to live. Perhaps that is where I find myself. I won’t stay here, I know this, but it’s where I am now.  This coupled with the fact that I am physically and mentally exhausted doesn’t leave a lot of room to discern God’s heart. I am thankful He gives me enough energy to get through each day, and enough grace to let go of those things I am not able to do, and there are many.

I was looking out in my front yard the other day and see glimpses of beauty among the dying.  There are promises of spring that bloom in the winter season. There is a promise of hope and life where once was death. I look forward to welcoming spring with open arms.

How about you? What are you most looking forward to in Spring time?

And now I continue to list the beauty that I’m finding in my every day life.

Glimpses #871-880

871.  Overtime – God’s financial provision.
872.  Hot tea with lemon and honey.
873.  Understanding friends when I’m feeling like I’ve failed them.
874.  Leftovers for lunch during the week.
875.  First pedicure of the season.
876.  Cute home décor for review.
877.  His love that never lets me go!
878.  Purple glimpses of spring in my front yard.
879.  A brand new single written by my son and son in-law!  So good!
880.  A quiet Easter spent with family.

The Glimpses link up will open at 12:01 AM (PST) each Monday, and will remain open through Noon on Saturday. I am looking forward to reading your posts and visiting your blogs this week!

My 5 Minute Fridays

The Blessing Of Routine // Five Minute Friday

It’s that time again, where I get to join the beautiful community of Five Minute Friday writers.  Each week we write for just five minutes on a word prompt. No editing or overthinking.  No worrying about perfection. Just words freely flowing from our heart to yours.  If you’ve never written a Five Minute Friday post, you should. It’s easier than you think (but sometimes a little hard).

This week’s prompt is:

Not too long ago I was completely bored by my routine. The mundaneness of the day had me dreaming of bluer skies, greener pastures. When friends would ask me how my day was going, my reply was always, “Same ‘ole, same ‘ole”.  But as I live out my days, I am beginning to see the blessing of my routines.

As I live out my days, I am beginning to see the blessing of my routines. #fiveminutefriday Click To Tweet

Getting up each morning, it reminds me to be grateful for the breath I’ve been given for another day by the Creator, something I never want to take for granted.

Driving kids to school and myself to work, it reminds me to be grateful that God has provided transportation and the means to make a car payment.  So many are without reliable transportation.

Drinking my coffee each morning, it reminds me to be grateful for the little indulgences.

Interacting with clients in person and on the phone at the office, it reminds me to be grateful for my job and how God brought me to.

Making dinner each night, it reminds to be grateful for family and how we gather, chaos and all, around the dinner table (most nights).

Enjoying my nightly Netflix shows, it reminds me to be grateful for down time.

What routines are you grateful for?



Flower Art // Glimpses

I am coming off an eleven hour day and was ready to let you all know there would be no link up this week. I just didn’t have it in me to write anything, nor come up with anything quick just for the sake of posting. But then I remembered the spontaneous beauty I encountered over the weekend with one of my best friends.  She texted me to see if I was doing anything on Saturday. She wanted to take me to the Bouquets to Art exhibit at the deYoung Museum in San Francisco.  I’m pretty good at being spontaneous these days, as I’m too tired to plan anything. I was excited to go.

We picked up coffee and headed into the city.  There wasn’t a lot of traffic, of which I was grateful for, and we arrived at the exhibit early enough to miss the crowds and still managed to get some beautiful photos. Below are some of the photos I took.  Basically there is a piece of art on the wall and the artists who put together the flower displays were trying to capture what they saw in the image.  The art I found most fascinating were the displays from the slavery periods, as well as the religious art.  Here are just a few of the beautiful flower displays we encountered.

After we viewed the displays, we had a fantastic lunch at the cafe and went to the observation floor and had a spectacular view of the City.  Afterwards, we drove to a new coffee shop Andytown and had delicious coffee topped with green whipped cream in honor of St. Patrick’s Day.

I love my girlfriends and it’s so much fun being spontaneous and enjoying a day in the city and encountering beautiful art.  My post would not be complete without sharing the goofy picture we took. Aren’t we goofballs?

What beautiful art have you encountered lately? #glimpsesofhisbeauty Click To Tweet

And now I continue to list the beauty that I’m finding in my every day life.

Glimpses #861-870

861.  Dinner date with the hubs.
862.  Foot tapping worship.
863.  Streams in the desert.
864.  An unexpected financial blessing.
865.  God’s timely provision.
866.  A spontaneous day in San Francisco.
867.  Widening my appreciation for art and flowers.
868.  A new coffee shop find.
869.  Laughter in a crowded lot ( you had to have been there!)
870.  A friend loves at all times.

The Glimpses link up will open at 12:01 AM (PST) each Monday, and will remain open through Noon on Saturday. I am looking forward to reading your posts and visiting your blogs this week!

It is time to share the glimpses of beauty found this week.
Words written, gratitude given, photos taken, things created — anything that reflects the beauty of God revealed in your ordinary life.
1. Grab the button to place in your post, or simply link back here.
2. Link up with the post permalink, and not just your blog url.
3. Visit and encourage others who link up. We need each other!
4. Share about the link up on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
5. Use the hashtag #glimpsesofhisbeauty so that we can find each other’s posts.