If I can be honest, I have spent much of the last five years of my life questioning God. I know that He already knows my thoughts and what is in my heart, so I might as well be real with Him and ask the “whys” when so much has happened that I just do not understand.
So many things were taken from us, or we had to get rid of in order to “scale down”. I believe that God is in control of our lives and knows what is best. But that does not negate the fact that it hurts.
I was listening to a worship song this week, “Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord”. There is a line in the song that speaks of how God gives and takes away, but blessed be His Name. And while I agree with my whole heart that God is to be blessed no matter what, when the losses stack up and you don’t see yourself moving forward yet, you can begin to question where God is in all of it.God gives and takes away, but blessed be His Name. #embracinglifestransitions Click To Tweet
“Life comes and makes waves of demands, and you think you’re holding on well. But out of the clear blue, a wave bigger than the rest places you in its shadow before collapsing over and knocking you down. It’s not what you expected, so in order to make sense of it, you ask all the questions that rush over and through you along the wave.” Kristen Strong, Girl Meets Change
Even though I believe it’s okay to ask the questions, I am learning that most often we must change the questions we ask.
Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?”, ask “What are you trying to teach me, Lord?”
I love how in the story of Esther, one question that was asked of her by Mordecai was all Esther needed to shift her perspective. Esther’s story shows how the right question can lead to deliverance during change.
I’m not yet at a place where I can stand in front of the mirror and ask the types of questions that will bring me deliverance. But I’m working through it. I know what the right thing to do is. But sometimes it’s hard to see past the pain and look forward with hope again.Sometimes it's hard to see past the pain and look forward with hope again. #embracinglifestransitions Click To Tweet
I do believe God wants to teach me how to “thrive through change”, but I’m still hurting.
I believe God loves me.
I believe that He is for me.
I believe that He will bring me through.
But I’m hurting.
I have questions.
I don’t understand why the losses.
I don’t understand why the struggles.
I know that He will bring me through.
He is gentle and cares for my heart so incredibly well.
I know He will grab a hold of my hand once I’m able to offer it to Him.
Do I trust Him to bring me through?
I want to.
I know I need to.
I think I fear more disappointment.
I’m not sure my heart can handle one more loss.
There isn’t too much more I can say about this chapter. God is still working so much of this in me. To be able to thrive through change and to recognize that I’m being groomed for a new purpose. I’m not there yet. I think I’m still the little girl standing in the corner with her arms crossed asking God, “Why?”
Until such time as I am able to fully release it all back into His hands, I’m clinging to this verse,
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
How about you my friend. Are you thriving through a season of change? Are you content in knowing God is preparing you for a new purpose? Or, perhaps, you are like me and still working through the pain. I would love for you to share in the comments below.
Thank you for being here. I truly appreciate each and every one of you. Even though I’m working through my stuff, I hope and pray you are blessed by my words. I’ve chosen to be raw and vulnerable in my writing, and your visits here are a gift to me.