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Glimpses

24 In Glimpses

Do You See Love Looking Back At You? // Glimpses Link Up

My heart is usually very raw after Sunday morning worship. Not that I don’t get into His Presence during the week, but there’s something about going to the corporate gathering, especially when it takes a lot of energy to get there, that draws you closer.

Before today’s service I was reflecting on the faithfulness and kindness of the Lord, how He has a purpose and meaning for my life no matter what it is I may be struggling with. Knowing that He desires to use my imperfections, brokenness and weakness for His glory is hard for me to wrap my brain around. Why would the God of the universe who is perfect and holy want to use someone like me, who is struggling through life and not really trying to make a huge impact, other than being obedient in the day to day?

My daughter led us in another song this morning, Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace) by Hillsong Worship. No matter what I’m going through, God is faithful to meet me in worship and leave His imprint on my heart.

No matter what I'm going through, God is faithful to meet me in worship and leave His imprint on… Click To Tweet

I’ve sang about brokenness before. I’ve sang about His Amazing grace before. I’ve sang about His eyes of love before, and that is where I camp today.

I can see you now.
I can see the love in your eyes.
Laying yourself down.
Raising up the broken to life.

It’s not that I’m not seeing God at work in my life, but it’s been a long time since I felt His eyes upon me. It’s been a long time since I really looked into His eyes and saw love staring back at me. Our Pastor asked us to look into God’s eyes today, and see His love pouring forth for us. And even though I know He loves me, this love is something I’ve struggled to comprehend all of my life. I go through seasons where I can feel the intensity of His eyes of love for me; and then there are seasons of dryness and numbness where I simply look up as an act of faith and believe that those eyes are still burning for me.

I know He sees me. Even though I have days where I’m not seeking, where it takes all of my energy just to keep trudging along in life, I know that He still loves me.

I am so thankful that God understands my weaknesses and failures, and loves me even still.

What do you see when you look into God’s eyes? Do you see love looking back at you?

What do you see when you look into God's eyes? Do you see love looking back at you?… Click To Tweet

Here’s a video of Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace). I hope it blesses you.

And now I continue to list the beauty that I’m finding in my every day life.

Glimpses #561-570

561. Co-workers who make me laugh.
562. A job that I love to go to every day.
563. A compassionate and caring boss.
564. A clean and sparkling sink (thank you hubby!)
565. My mom is healing and getting stronger.
566. The smell of essential oils on baby’s skin.
567. Fresh cut flowers from the backyard.
568. Free Kindle books.
569. Motivation to clear the clutter.
570. Watching an old movie at an old theatre with a friend.

The Glimpses link up will open at 12:01 AM (PST) each Monday, and will remain open through Noon on Saturday. I am looking forward to reading your posts and visiting your blogs this week!

It is time to share the glimpses of beauty found this week.
Words written, gratitude given, photos taken, things created — anything that reflects the beauty of God revealed in your ordinary life.
1. Grab the button to place in your post, or simply link back here.
2. Link up with the post permalink, and not just your blog url.
3. Visit and encourage others who link up. We need each other!
4. Share about the link up on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
5. Use the hashtag #glimpsesofhisbeauty so that we can find each other’s posts.



 

34 In Glimpses

Crushed In Spirit // Glimpses Link Up

Some days the weight of what I’m processing through seems so heavy. It’s not that I have any huge issue going on, but it’s a lot of little things that have happened (or didn’t happen) over the last several years that are robbing me of the peace that is rightfully mine in Christ. I’ve been pondering today what it means to feel crushed in spirit.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
(Psalm 34:18)

Exhaustion plays a huge role in my emotional well being, and most days I function on about 4-5 hours sleep. Not near enough for a woman who carries as much as I do. I’ve been thinking I should probably try and get to bed earlier most days, but when the house is quite and the kids go to bed, I like to lose myself in Netflix marathons. In a way, I’m choosing to add to the stress on my mind, body and spirit by not taking better care of myself. But I can’t seem to give up the “me” time that I so desperately crave. I don’t have to think when I’m sitting in front of the TV. It’s easy to get lost in someone else’s problems and take a break from your own.

When your heart is broken, you do anything you can to avoid the issues. At least I do. So many years of disappointment, lost dreams, financial stress and other things have caused me to go a little numb, a lot numb. I want to be in touch with my feelings, yet I don’t. I trust God that He is the Healer and able to bring me through, but it’s the process that I fear.

God is patient. He does not demand His way. He will sit back and wait for us to come to Him. I know that if I were to give him my brokenness, completely, holding nothing back, that He would be faithful to lead me through to the other side. I think I’ve become so comfortable with not feeling anything that I’m afraid to feel.

As I process through this part of my life, I am thankful for this promise today, that God is near to the brokenhearted. He will not abandon me in my time of sorrow. No matter how long I hold on to those things I should have laid down a long time ago, God understands. I’m disappointed in myself for not having more faith, for not rising above the ashes of my life, for not standing because all I want to do is lay down.

I want to open my heart up again. I want to feel His love and mercy. I want to be in touch with my own feelings so that I could understand how I’ve allowed myself to get to this place.

My prayer is that God would be near, that I would feel the weight of His presence as He leads me through to the other side.

My prayer is that God would be near, that I would feel the weight of His presence as He leads me… Click To Tweet

*I never intended to share so personally and vulnerably about my bouts with depression and my deep disappointment about where I am in my life spiritually. But this is what’s coming out these days. I hope you don’t mind. I am so glad you are here.

And now I continue to list the beauty that I’m finding in my every day life.

Glimpses #551-560

551. A last minute coffee date with a friend.
552. Our new-to-us dining room table (pictures coming soon!)
553. A husband who knows how to work with wood.
554. A God who draws near to the brokenhearted.
555. A hotel room booked for our weekend getaway coming soon.
556. A unexpected bonus at work.
557. A refrigerator full of leftovers for lunches this week.
558. Scholarships for my kids who leave for youth retreat tomorrow.
559. He upholds me with His strong right arm.
560. Psalm 43:5

The Glimpses link up will open at 12:01 AM (PST) each Monday, and will remain open through Noon on Saturday. I am looking forward to reading your posts and visiting your blogs this week!

It is time to share the glimpses of beauty found this week.
Words written, gratitude given, photos taken, things created — anything that reflects the beauty of God revealed in your ordinary life.
1. Grab the button to place in your post, or simply link back here.
2. Link up with the post permalink, and not just your blog url.
3. Visit and encourage others who link up. We need each other!
4. Share about the link up on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
5. Use the hashtag #glimpsesofhisbeauty so that we can find each other’s posts.



16 In Glimpses

When He Pulls You In // Glimpses Link Up

I didn’t want to go to church this morning. I know, shocking. I am still exhausted, and honestly I’ve been a little down (a lot down) over the state of our finances. I’ve been in this place before, where our lack overshadows His promise to provide all that we need. It’s a daily surrender of my cares and worries, laying them down again and again and choosing to trust instead of allowing myself to focus on my reality.

Depression is something I’ve struggled with much of my life. I am thankful I don’t have it as bad as some, but I recognize it for what it is and try my best to do what I need to do before it completely overtakes me. I wanted to stay home this morning to rest, which really meant I wanted to drown my sorrows in Netflix and chocolate. But my youngest daughter was co-leading worship this morning so, as any good mother would, I pulled myself out of bed and got myself together to support my daughter.

I sat in the lobby for an hour before service (she had worship practice early) and spoke to a few people, hugged a few others, but mostly kept to myself as I sipped my latte and played games on my phone. All this time I was fighting back tears over my lack of community in a place I hardly feel as if I belong anymore. But I go for my kids now. And, I go to worship the Lord because He is worthy of my praise and adoration in all seasons.

God is worthy of my praise and adoration in all seasons. #glimpsesofhisbeauty Click To Tweet

Worship was amazing, as always. My dear daughter worshipped her heart out and made this mama oh so proud. After worship we heard many testimonies from summer camp (both my youngest attended) and I shed tears as one girl shared how God saved, healed, delivered and restored her all in a matter of a day or two. I was reminded in that moment of how big and powerful God was, and how He is more than capable of meeting our needs.

Following the testimonies, Pastor called all youth ages 18 and younger to the alter for prayer. My husband located our 14yo boy and headed down to where he was, and I sought out my 17yo daughter. By the time I made it down to where she was, she was surrounded by her peers who love her well. Instead of shoving my way in, I put my hand on her shoulder and agreed with those in prayer who were surrounding her. Following the prayer time, as my daughter was hugging her friends, she turned to me and we embraced. As I pulled her in, I told her how proud of her I was, how much I loved her and asked her forgiveness for any way that I may have hurt her. Tears were shed. In that moment as I pulled my daughter in, God pulled me into His presence.

Even in my depressive state this morning, God found a way to pull me in. He started in worship and continued with the testimonies and finished with the embrace of one who hardly lets me in. If I had given in to the way I was feeling this morning and stayed home, I would have missed that moment with my daughter.

No matter what you may be going through today, God wants to pull you in to His presence and remind you that He is working on your behalf.

He is a good, good Father and He is for you.

God is a good Father and He is for you. #glimpsesofhisbeauty Click To Tweet

And now I continue to list the beauty that I’m finding in my every day life.

Glimpses #541-550

541. Son and daughter coming home from camp with renewed joy and focus.
542. Son and daughter being water baptized a second time while at camp.
543. Hearing testimonies from leadership as to how well my kids led others while at camp.
544. Going to church, even when it’s hard.
545. Seeing the bigness of God through the testimony of others.
546. A meaningful hug from a distant daughter.
547. Tears of joy.
548. He lifts my head when I am down.
549. He comforts me in my sorrow.
550. He turns my sorrow into joy.

The Glimpses link up will open at 12:01 AM (PST) each Monday, and will remain open through Noon on Saturday. I am looking forward to reading your posts and visiting your blogs this week!

It is time to share the glimpses of beauty found this week.
Words written, gratitude given, photos taken, things created — anything that reflects the beauty of God revealed in your ordinary life.
1. Grab the button to place in your post, or simply link back here.
2. Link up with the post permalink, and not just your blog url.
3. Visit and encourage others who link up. We need each other!
4. Share about the link up on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
5. Use the hashtag #glimpsesofhisbeauty so that we can find each other’s posts.



25 In Glimpses

Come Receive // Glimpses Link Up

Happy Monday friends. I’m feeling somewhat like a broken record. I’m exhausted. EXHAUSTED. Once again life is happening around me and well, I’m just going along for the ride.

My mother fell on the 4th of July and severely broke her arm. She was on the only floor in her house without carpet and somehow slipped. She also cut her head pretty badly. Last week my sister took her to the ER because she just wasn’t herself. Come to find out, she has a small bleed on the outer part of her brain. We are pretty sure it was caused by the fall. This is scary, as my mother had a massive brain aneurysm about 20 years ago and nearly died. However, the Dr. assured us this will heal on it’s own in a few weeks and that my mother is not at risk of further complications.

While at the hospital, we found out my mother also had a pretty severe UTI which is now being treated with heavy antibiotics. This is also scary as my mother was just about 30 minutes away from death brought on by Sepsis about a year ago, caused by a UTI.

I headed out to Tracy today to visit my best friend and received a call that my mother was taken back to the ER with severe bowl issues. Come to found out, she was severely dehydrated and required 3 bags of fluid. The stool issue is likely caused by the antibiotic, but the Dr. does not want to stop it so we deal with the other.

My sister has taken a 30 day leave from work to care for my mother and me and my other siblings are getting a schedule together so that we can help my sister. My mother was diagnosed with dementia last year, early stages. Needless to say, we will be having to make some hard decisions in the future concerning her care.

So I am pretty much emotionally and physically exhausted. My younger two kids leave for camp tomorrow and I am looking forward to not having to fight any teen battles for a few days. My heart is longing to sit and be still. I want to allow the river of His love to wash all my worries and cares away.

Tonight I want to share with you a song that is ministering to my heart so much right now. It’s a call to come. It’s a call to taste of the goodness of the Lord. It’s a call to come and receive all that we need. When we are weary and in need of rest, we can come to the river and be refreshed.

Will you come to the river and receive all that you need today? #glimpsesofhisbeauty Click To Tweet

And now I continue to list the beauty that I’m finding in my every day life.

Glimpses #531-540

531. God’s wisdom concerning my mother’s health.
532. Family who all live close and can be available to help.
533. My mother cracking jokes in her hospital bed.
534. Cable TV in the hospital so my mom doesn’t miss her game shows.
535. New hospital socks.
536. Caring nursing staff who care for my mom.
537. My mother’s hearty appetite for hospital food.
538. My dad who sits with my mom at the hospital all day.
539. A walker and other equipment that will help my mom in her daily living.
540. Nurses who visit the house to check on mom.

The Glimpses link up will open at 12:01 AM (PST) each Monday, and will remain open through Noon on Saturday. I am looking forward to reading your posts and visiting your blogs this week!

It is time to share the glimpses of beauty found this week.
Words written, gratitude given, photos taken, things created — anything that reflects the beauty of God revealed in your ordinary life.
1. Grab the button to place in your post, or simply link back here.
2. Link up with the post permalink, and not just your blog url.
3. Visit and encourage others who link up. We need each other!
4. Share about the link up on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
5. Use the hashtag #glimpsesofhisbeauty so that we can find each other’s posts.



30 In Glimpses

When Beauty Fades // Glimpses Link Up

Tonight is when I sit down to write my weekly Glimpses link up post and reflect on all the many blessings that came my way this week. But exhaustion has overtaken my senses. My body aches, my eyes burn and I am left feeling empty and somewhat disillusioned about whether or not I encountered any beauty this week.

In my quest to embrace every day and truly see the beauty that surrounds me, the mundane takes over and my eyes become cloudy, unable to see beyond the mess that lays in front of me, beyond the hurt and pain, beyond the repetitiveness that has become my life. What I wouldn’t give to spend hours outdoors, with camera in hand, documenting God’s beauty.

I’m reminded once again that this life, despite the missing pieces and piles, despite the brokenness and trail of tears, it is a life worthy of beauty. It’s not what’s most becoming to the eye of the beholder that makes it so, rather, it’s the hidden treasure, what is found when we look beyond the natural, purposing to see beauty among the ordinary.

This is a life worthy of beauty. #glimpsesofhisbeauty Click To Tweet

I got to thinking about the seasons again and how beauty fades, changes and reemerges with each new phase of life. My life can be summed up like this:  I live in heavy winter seasons, with a hint of fall, all the while longing for the spring, yet avoid the heat of the summer. And even though sometimes beauty appears to have faded, I know that I must simply look beyond what my natural eye can see.

Even when life appears dormant with nothing happening that makes me want to “shout it from the rooftops”, my life is still worthy of beauty. So I will continue to look beyond the mess, beyond the hurt and pain. I will continue to reach for beauty because God has given me a beauty-filled life.

I will continue to reach for beauty because God has given me a beauty-filled life.… Click To Tweet

And now I continue to list the beauty that I’m finding in my every day life.

Glimpses #521-530

521. Quiet days at the office.
522. Birthday celebration continues with dinner with friends.
523. A fresh pedicure.
524. A God who will not leave me where I am.
525. A God who meets me where I am.
526. A God who brings me to where He is.
527. Beautiful worship while visiting a church.
528. More cleansing tears.
529. Fans that keep the house cool on hot days.
530. KLOVE radio.

The Glimpses link up will open at 12:01 AM (PST) each Monday, and will remain open through Noon on Saturday. I am looking forward to reading your posts and visiting your blogs this week!

It is time to share the glimpses of beauty found this week.
Words written, gratitude given, photos taken, things created — anything that reflects the beauty of God revealed in your ordinary life.
1. Grab the button to place in your post, or simply link back here.
2. Link up with the post permalink, and not just your blog url.
3. Visit and encourage others who link up. We need each other!
4. Share about the link up on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
5. Use the hashtag #glimpsesofhisbeauty so that we can find each other’s posts.