Today I am honored to be guest posting over at Laura Rath’s place, sharing my heart as part of her comparison series. Comparison is something that I am all too familiar with. I’m still not quite free of it yet, but I am farther along than I was. In my post, I share about a time that comparison nearly destroyed my life. Here is a small glimpse:
It was an innocent attraction. I was in a very low point of my life and although I carried myself as one who was secure and loved on the outside, I was empty, lonely and dissatisfied with my life on the inside. All of the comparing I had done through the years leading up to my marriage was finally manifesting in ways I never new existed. Why was her husband more affectionate? Why was her husband more gifted? Why did her husband bring her gifts? Why did her husband call her just because? Why couldn’t my husband do those things?
I had internalized all of the places of lack in my soul and made myself believe I was unsatisfied with my marriage, when in fact my eyes were turned to what I thought everyone else had, and onto what I thought I lacked. My vision was blurred and I could not see the blessing that God had put right in front of me. There was nothing wrong with my marriage. But there was something wrong with me. I had taken my eyes off of the one I loved and went in search of something, anything to satisfy my weary heart.