Today has been one of those days. I can’t quite but my finger on it, but it’s like something is trying to pull me down. I am a little under the weather with a few things, a little overwhelmed with a few other things, but nothing so big as to cause a downward spiral. Nonetheless, I do not like feeling this way. I feel somewhat paralyzed and am having a hard time even conquering the simplest things. I was thinking this morning that it would be so nice to crawl back into my nice, warm bed and sleep for another day or two. But that is not reality. Reality is that the Lord is with me. He is for me and not against me. He is my refuge in times of trouble. He hides me in the cleft of the rock. He is my hope and He watches over me.
Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again–my Savior and my God! (Psalm 42:11)
I lift up my eyes to the hills- Where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip – He who watches over you will not slumber; Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you The LORD is your shade at your right hand; The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm – He will watch over your life; The LORD will watch over your coming and going Both now and forevermore. (Psalm 121)
Many years ago, I suffered from extreme bouts of depression. Since then, I’ve learned to dig deep inside during moments like this to find the Joy of the Lord, which is my strength. I know now to go to His Word, to Worship and to Prayer, all sources of strength. During one of those extreme bouts of depression about eleven years ago, I wrote the following poem. I just found this the other day and feel led to share it here in the hope that it might encourage someone going through a rough time.
A Prayer From My Heart
How long, Oh Lord, will my soul be in anguish?
The turmoil is raging uncontrollably within me.
I know that Your Word says that You will never leave me nor forsake me,
but I feel so alone, hopeless and afraid.
Lord, deliver me from these feelings of hopelessness and fear,
for I truly desire to put my hope in You, the giver of life.
Show me, oh Lord, the way into the secret places of Your heart.
I have gotten lost within the turmoil of my life and I cannot find You.
But I know that You wait for me, as a Father waits for His child.
So wait for me, oh Lord, and when I find You, hide me in the
Shadow of Your Wings until I am once again able to soar as the Eagle.
Strengthen me, oh Lord, and set me upon the solid Rock.
I do not want to waiver back and forth between hope and despair.
Lord, show me the path that I must take and place me upon solid ground,
ground that will not be shaken when everything around me is.
Teach me, oh Lord, to trust You, even when it seems as though
everything around me is falling apart and I cannot see what lies ahead.
Increase my faith Lord, not faith in man or in myself, but faith in
knowing that You are on the throne and that You are working in my life.
Cleanse me, oh Lord, from the impurities that keep me from
serving You with a whole heart. Show me, Lord, those things
that are not pleasing to You and remove them from within me.
Place me upon the Potter’s Wheel and mold me and shape me
more into the likeness of Your image.
Take my brokenness, Lord, and use it for Your glory.
I desire to completely yield and surrender to Your will.
Whatever You desire to do in me and through me, Lord,
I give You permission. But use my brokenness, Lord,
and make it into something beautiful for Your Name’s sake.
Thank you, Lord, that Your grace is unfailing and that
Your mercies are new every morning. Show me Your grace, Lord,
and use me according to Your will. Forgive me, Lord, for not
trusting You, and show me mercy so that I in turn can
show mercy to others.
Lord, I love You, but I know that Your love for me is
far greater than my love for You can ever be.
But I want to love You more Lord. Show me how.
You alone are the treasure that I seek and the only
true desire of my heart. I long to be with You, to talk with You,
to laugh with You, to cry with You, to dance with You.
I give You my life, Lord. Use me, not according to my plan
but according to the desires that You have placed deep within
my heart and according to Your perfect plan.
I am Your willing secant. May I be found pleasing in Your sight.