Today I’ve been reflecting on my cry for the Lord to empty me so that I may be filled up with more of Him. I know that I must decrease, so that He may increase. As I’ve pondered all of the situations, feelings, thoughts, desires and passions that I am striving to give over to Him, one question remains:
“Is it enough just to love Him?”
Last year I was at a conference and there was an altar call. The call was to come and ask the Lord for His direction in our lives. Those who came were crying out to the Lord specifically about ministry, “were they in the right place?”, “what had He called them to do?” I remember standing at the alter, weeping before the Lord. I was crying out and asking Him to tell me what He wanted me to do. I didn’t feel I was doing enough, and I didn’t feel like what I was doing was specifically His plan for my life. I am a lot like Martha — busying myself with “good” things, yet I have a heart like Mary’s. I long to sit at His feet and love Him. I long to hear His heart. I long to feel His love pouring over me.
As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42, NLT)
So I cried out, expecting to hear from the Lord about a very specific ministry or purpose that He had for me. But what I heard moved my heart beyond anything I’ve ever heard Him speak. In His gentleness, He spoke these words to my heart:
“JUST LOVE ME!“
And all I could do was weep. Those words pierced my heart and I knew then that my love for Him was weak. As I stood at the altar asking the Lord about what I should be doing, all He wanted me to do was to love Him. All He wanted was me, and my heart, fully surrendered to Him.
I love the Lord with all of my heart, but so many times I look to other things to fill a void that only He can fill.
I look to a husband to fill my emptiness.
I look to a job to provide security.
I look to food to provide comfort.
I look to children to give unconditional love.
I look to friends to provide strength & support.
I look to money to provide satisfaction.
As I continue to ask Him for the strength to lay it all down at His feet, I ask myself, “Is loving Him enough?” Am I willing to give up “doing” and focus on “being”? I am not sure I’ve arrived at that place yet, that place where if all else were to be stripped away, that I could be satisfied simply by loving Him. But I want to. I need to. My very existence depends on it.
In this season of change in my life, I am learning to lean into love. I am learning to sit and wait, to eat of His word, to worship Him, to love Him. As things are changing and I am being stripped here and there of my securities, I love Him more and allow Him to comfort my heart. When my heart asks, “Is loving Him enough?”, my heart will respond:
“Yes, Lord, Loving You IS enough!”