Tonight I realized something. I’ve been holding on to my heart. Not my whole heart, but the core part of my heart. The part that was created by God in the secret place. The part that was rejected, told that it was worthless and was not protected. Tonight I had a revelation. Even though I’ve given God my heart, I am still holding on to many of the broken pieces and the pain associated with them. God has come and brought healing in many areas, yet there is still much healing to be done. Why do I insist on gripping my heart so tightly and not offering it to the Lord with an open hand? A closed fist represents a lack of surrender. An open hand tells God, “Here it is. Come and take this from me”.
Jesus came to set the captives free. If I hold onto my pain, then I live in a place of captivity in my mind and will be forever bound by that pain. And even though I know this, there is a part of me that is fearful. You see, in many ways, I’ve identified myself with my brokenness. This deep rooted pain has become such a part of me. I’ve carried it with me, like an old, trusted friend, for many years. And as odd as it may sound, I am afraid that if I surrender it all to God, I won’t know who I am.
But God knows who I am. He called me by name. He has given me a new identity. One that is not marked by brokenness, but one that has been marked by the very hand of God and forever changed by His love! I am no longer a prisoner to pain, but I am free to live in the fullness of all that God has planned for me! I want to surrender it all to Him so that He can reveal to me my true identity. Not the superficial one, who masks her pain and silently grieves, but the core of who I am. The one that He knit together in the secret place. The one whom He loved and thought of even before I was born.
I knew you before
I formed you in your mother’s womb.
My pain is not mine to own. He paid the price for it on the cross. He owns it now. Christ came to set me free, therefore I am free! I am choosing to surrender my heart, to release my grip, and allow God to come in and heal my brokenness so that I may walk in freedom.
So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.