I have been on a journey of seeking Him. A journey of allowing Him to colour my heart with the truth of His Word. And although I had a very clear destination in mind, the Lord has been redirecting my path. Today, I want to share a deep and personal revelation that the Lord brought to me about a week ago.
On my birthday, to be exact.
If you will remember, in my birthday post I talked about a new birth, a couple of new journeys, and how I set out to seek the light and truth of His Word through colour. And if you will remember just a few days earlier, in this post, I talked about how I would be starting a new journey of going deeper into a study of the Steadfast love of the Lord, posting weekly on my blog the revelations that He brings to my heart.
I was not prepared for what would happen once I started allowing His Word to come alive in my heart in this way.
Needless to say, I will not be starting my study on His steadfast love just yet. Oh I am not going to stop seeking it out, but I am simply laying down the schedule and the pressure of having something to tell you about it every week. Through this new journey that I’ve been on, I believe God wants to tuck me away under the shelter of His wing and speak to those places in my heart that are raw, hurting and buried underneath layers of self-imposed unbelief. I cannot commit to bring something to you that I don’t yet have the understanding of myself. But what I can do is bring you revelation of those things He does reveal to my heart, in the hope that it would encourage you as well. More on that later.
I want to share with you a vision that God gave me as I sat meditating on His Word in the prayer room last Wednesday, which was, incidentally, my birthday. I’ve read it over several times since I recorded it, and it causes me to be overcome with the reality that I have so far to go on this journey of understanding His love for me. This was not an “open vision”, but something I saw very clearly in my mind.
Just prior to the vision, the worship leader was singing this phrase, which I wrote down in my journal, and made it a prayer of my heart:
“Give me eyes to see. Come, awaken love. I want to know You.”
And my prayer that followed: “Reveal Your love to my heart. Lord, make me aware of your love in my life. Cause my heart to come alive. Your Word is truth and light. Enlighten the eyes of my heart to the truth of Your Word.”
Immediately after I prayed this prayer, I had this vision.
(Following is part one. I will post part two in a couple of days.)
What Do I Have to Fear?
In the vision, I was dressed in a long, white garment. I was standing behind a fence, gazing at a lush and very beautiful field. The flowers in the field were blooming. I could smell the fragrance. The trees were ripe with every fruit imaginable.
I could see the Shepherd coming toward me down the hill. I heard Him calling me to come to Him. But I could not move. It was as if my feet were frozen.
The gate was closed, but it was not locked. The Shepherd met me there, on the other side of the fence. He beckoned me to come and join Him in the field. I begged Him to open the gate for me. But still he beckoned. How my heart yearned for Him. But I had not the strength to remove the latch and swing open the gate.
“Why do you not come?”, the Shepherd asked. “What is it that your heart fears?”
In that moment, I realized that although the Shepherd called me and was waiting for me to come to Him, I felt unworthy to approach Him. To remove the latch and open the gate would open up my heart to the depth of pain and unworthiness that still lay buried deep inside of me.
As the Shepherd turned, He promised me that He would never leave me, that He would always be there waiting for me. He promised He would wait for me, until my heart was ready to receive Him fully.
My prayer: “Help me, Lord, to see myself as You see me. Help me to take the steps I need to the freedom You offer.”
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Part Two will be posted in the next few days.