Today my heart is heavy with all of the doing, all of the striving and all of the guilt that I feel when I try to let things go and simply be. My heart longs to connect with my Savior, but I lack revelation and I feel numb, as if I’m wandering through this wilderness alone.
But I know that I am not alone. He is with me. He always has been and He will never leave me. [Tweet “I’m living in the tension, between the doing and the being. Which will I choose?”]
I believe God just wants me — me without all of the stuff that I try to drag into His presence. Even though I bring with me good things, they serve no purpose when my heart’s desire is to look into the eyes of Jesus, to behold His beauty.
As I press in and strive to quiet my busy mind, I find myself alone in His presence. It’s an eerie feeling when His presence has been lifted. I read, but there is no revelation. My journal pages remain empty for the most part. I do not feel Him, yet I know He is there. But in the tension, He calls me gently, tenderly to sit and be still.
Cease from your striving, My Child. Lay down your busyness. Yes, even those things which you bring with you into My presence. Lay them down and just sit. Be still. Listen for My voice. You will hear Me soon. Just stay and rest.
I have to believe that as the tension builds, breakthrough is coming. A friend reminded me today that I’ve chosen this pursuit. I’ve chosen to lay it all down, for the sake of knowing Him. How long will it be until my heart is satisfied again? My heart knows the answer. I never want to be satisfied. I must be kept longing. I must be kept wanting. [Tweet “For only in the longing and the wanting can a hungry heart ever truly be satisfied.”] So I will stay longing. I will stay wanting. I will look to Him as the soul of my nourishment and satisfaction. And although I feel alone in His presence, I know that He is with me. And I know that my breakthrough is coming.
Are you living in the tension between the doing and the being? How are you handling it?
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