In these last few weeks, I’ve felt as if the locomotive train I’ve been riding has come to a screeching halt and is going nowhere fast. At first, I feared this place of seemingly roaming without any clear direction. But over the last week, I am becoming more comfortable with being parked with no where to go.
I’m a busy gal. I exert a lot of energy doing things — working, ministry, cultivating friendships, raising a family, caring for my husband, housework, etc. I have become so comfortable with doing that I have forgotten how to be. So God has parked me. Not just concerning my writing, but in so many areas of my life.
I was talking with a friend last week and confessed that I have become so busy with the doing, that I have forgotten how to be. There is nothing I long for more than His presence. But even when I manage to get there, through worship or reading His Word, I feel as if I don’t know what to do. So much of who I think I am is still wrapped up in performance, and this has become more clear to me over the last week. I believe God wants to stretch me and help me to uncover the lost art of being in His presence.
To stop, to be still, to sit, to wait, to linger, to lean, to long for, to hope, to dream. These are all wrapped up in the art of being. My friend told me that to admit that I long to be with Him, yet have forgotten how to be is a vulnerable place.
I am at a crossroads. I go through the spiritual motions — I read my bible, try to journal (when the words come), lift my hands in worship, even when I don’t feel His presence, serve in Sunday school and various other ministries. And then I am reminded that even in this I am “doing” rather than being.
What would happen if I just came, as I am, into His presence. What would happen if I didn’t open my bible or my journal. What would happen if I didn’t lift my hands in worship? What would happen if I simply came to be with Him and did nothing that my performance-based mind would tell me I had to do?
When did being with Him turn into doing for Him? I understand that there are spiritual disciplines that we cannot ignore. But I believe that for a human doer like me, there must be a healthy balance between the doing and the being. I want to learn to set my heart once again on things above. Each day starts out as a blank page. So I will come and sit before Him and be still, and do nothing. But I am wrestling with the not doing.
What would happen if I took the time to come, offering myself fully and completely to the One whom I love? What would He tell me? What would He show me? I believe I use the spiritual disciplines in my life to keep myself hidden from Him. I can get so caught up in the doing — the reading, worshipping and serving doing that I don’t take the time to really press in to hear His voice. I forget that all He really wants is me and my heart fully set on Him.
He’s taking me on a journey of discovering who I am in the being. He’s already asked me to lay down a few things, and still there’s more to surrender. Some days I walk blindly through this tunnel, not yet seeing the light and not knowing how long the tunnel is. But what else can I do but take His hand and say, “Here I am Lord. Show me once again the art of simply being with you.”
What about you my friend? How are you rediscovering the lost art of being in your life? I would love for you to share in the comments below.
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