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Hiding Behind Words — 42 Comments

  1. It is so important to allow God to fill our cups… When we go through life giving so much of ourselves, we can sometimes become dry. When that happens, God seems distant and our own lives empty. You were wise to take that time to reevaluate, rest and rejuvenate! My prayer is that God will continue to fill you with His healing love and that you become more and more in touch with your true feelings. No more hiding, right? 🙂

    Thanks for sharing this word today!

    Blessings, Joan

  2. Barbie,
    The time to heal is now. You are on that healing journey and I am so appreciative that you are willing to share as you are on the journey. I too am doing this as I feel God calling me to do this. It is hard a bit, because most people know I have been healed… miraculously… before and so why not now? I do not have the answer to that, but I also do not have that question. I just trust. But I still believe… the time to heal is now.
    Much love to you.
    Heather

  3. You share your heart beautifully, Barbie.
    I don’t necessarily hide behind words. I just hide.
    Seems so much easier than going out into the world to be hurt by others; however, I know that’s not what He intended for me, so I’m doing my best to follow His lead and reach outside my little space and shine His light for others to see. Some days it’s not easy because it’s simply not my nature…and those are the days I’ve found I’ve been blessed beyond measure when I allow myself to stay on the path He’s set for me.

  4. Oh my beautiful friend, I love how God is speaking to you during your quiet time. I love that He’s not willing to let you stop writing. 🙂 love you! Praying He will continue to breathe new life and joy into you! 🙂

  5. Precious, beloved, child of God. That is what you are, my dear Barbie. I sense a turning point here in these raw, but beautifully ministering words. Hiding yourself in Him. Yes, that is the key. Keeping the focus, staying close to Him. All else, slowly, oh, so slowly sometimes, falls into place. Our perspective clears, brightens. I see that happening in a beautiful way here. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  6. As much as we use our words to hide at times, when the time is right, you will be able to use those same words to heal. Don’t rush through this season. When you are in a better state, then I know that God will use your experiences to grow your writing, and also to give a voice to others who have been depressed and simply do not know how to deal with it. He will allow you not only to educate others about depression who have never experienced it, but to encourage those who are in the pit of depression.

    “For everything there is a season”

  7. Dear Barbie,
    Thank you for taking the first step toward healing by being honest about the pain still there: “But there are scars and remnants of pain that I just never really allowed myself to feel.”

    It is in the allowing ourselves to feel, with loving support, that we can begin to heal…it is a hard and holy work to admit where we’re at…giving you a big hug …I’m proud of you…and praying God will give you safe places to feel, grieve, and wrap His loving arms around you, my friend.

    • Thank you friend. I’ve walked numbly through life for too long. I am looking forward to getting back in touch with my feelings. Hugs!

  8. Well, Barbie, your words may have beautifully encouraged before… but, I believe God is taking you to a place where you can really, truly touch the hearts of others. This is the stuff we need to read. Thank you, friend, for your honesty. A sigh of great relief here. Love you.

    • Allowing myself to write through the hard places is indeed bringing healing & more freedom. Thanks for cheering me on!

  9. Layer upon layer God heals us. He’s revealed another layer in His mercy. Be kind to yourself, friend. You got through a season of great loss by putting one foot in front of the other and you kept on walking. It is easy to disconnect from our spouse as we struggle to handle our own grief and pain. I pray that you enter into a new season of restoration in every area. Much love to you.

  10. Barbie, I continue to hold you close in prayer. The aftermath of the storm never leaves us untouched. When my son Andrew was killed, my husband and I grieved differently and it made us both withdraw into our own worlds, but we were able to come back from it and you can too! I even went through a time where God was very silent and I felt competley alone. My husband was my pastor, my father-in-law was my child hood pastor and both of them were grieving their only child and only grandson. I was a pastors wife, people were sharing their burdens with me. How could I let them know I was crashing? I had no one and I went on a downward spiral that lasted 3 years. I was in ministry with lots of responsibilities and I felt like a hollow shell going through all the motions to keep everything together, yet dying silently. Through this journey I learned a lot about my self and immersed deeper with God than ever before in my life. My life is for sure not trial free, but God has restored so many things back to me and Tim that I am daily in awe of his love and care. I have said all this to say…God will carry you through, touch your emotional spirit, revive your relationship and take your ALL and become your everything…it will just take time. I am sending you a big hug filled with lots of love and encouragement! Many blessing to my friend…<
    .

  11. Barbie,

    I think we all do that. It’s easy to have the concept in our heads, but the actually walking it out is the hard part.

    I’m a word person too. I can speak the truth. The speaking the truth in love is what I’m still working on, because a lot of times I want to skip that part and beat people over the head with it. 🙂

    But I think the knowing that we still need the daily redemption of our Redeemer is the key. When we think that we are past needing a Saviour, that we have it all figured out, that is when we have a big problem.

    One of my favorite verses is Psalm 51:10-12, “Create in me a clean heart, O Lord, and renew a loyal spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore me to the joy of your salvation and make me willing to obey you.”

    I like it because it illustrates that even in cleaning up our personal garbage, God has to do it for us, we can’t do it on our own. It’s all him.

    When I first started reading this post and the focus on words, it reminded me of something I learned in my Hebrew class.

    The Hebrew word for “circumcision” and “words” is exactly the same. When it’s written, there is a difference in a vowel point, but when spoken it sounds exactly the same.

    We had been learning a letter a week and this was the first lesson where we really got into grammar.

    My teacher said, “You’ll know which it is by the context.” And I was thinking, “But what if I don’t know the rest of the words?”

    When I thought about it later, it made sense. Circumcision is sign of the covenant between God and the Jewish people, and words are a covenant.

  12. “I lack joy, that I suffer from depression, that my marriage needs work, that my kids aren’t perfect, that I am a mess, that I desperately need Jesus, and that I sometimes feel like I can’t breath.”

    Me, too, Barbie. Me, too. Standing in the gap with you. <3

  13. Hi Barbie! I am coming over from Beth’s. I recently met with her and she told me you were a wonderful blogger, and that I should get to know you.

    Wow, can I relate to you. My husband is closing in on two years of unemployment, and it’s very hard sometimes. Sometimes the seasons of my life look nothing like I thought they would, and this is one of those times. So much stress, right? And we have to find the places of comfort that we can find, the ones that God gives us in his overflowing water jars. Your writing was probably a wonderful God-given safety net.
    I will add you to my prayers. I pray the wisdom you showed in finding the places to work on, spills over to the right solutions. Something tells me you’ll find them.

    A grace to be here today,
    Ceil

    • Ceil, I LOVE Beth! I found out from your blog that you had the privilege of meeting her. I’m jealous! I will be keeping you in my prayers. I understand your situation. If you ever want to talk, I have a good listening ear. There are several posts on my blog about unemployment. I also belong to a private FB group for women with unemployed husbands, if you are interested.

  14. Barbie, I can’t tell you how much your willingness to speak your truth helps me and echos something God has been whispering to me about writing through the darkness. Because I’ve been in a bit of dry place I haven’t writing much but I have had the gentle nudge that it’s important to keep an account of those times as well. Our journeys with Jesus are not just comprises of mountaintop experiences. Btw, I like that you have changed up your blogging space again 🙂

    • I am so grateful for your love and support Wanda. Thank you for your comments on my new blog design. It’s fun to change it around. Hopefully not too much.

  15. “But I also believe that on the journey toward those words, there is healing for those who write in the process.” I so believe this too, Barbie. I’ve found so much healing through writing. It always brings me closer to Him. However, I know I’m guilty of also hiding behind my words. Meaning, for me it can be easier to write them and share in a blog post, when often times how I’m feeling needs to be shared with those sitting right next to me. I wait for them to see me through my blog instead of being willing to open my heart directly to them. Thank you for taking us on this journey with you, friend. I know it’s a difficult time. Your words continue to encourage…encourage us to be real and encourage us to draw nearer to Him. Praying for you. Love you so much.

    • So true, my friend. Those who sit next to me in life really don’t even read my blog. Perhaps that’s why it’s so easy for me to hide behind the encouragement of a beautiful community of like-minded sisters. Hugs!

  16. Dear sweet Barbie
    I think we all do this from time to time! Perhaps it is because we sort of yearn for love when we go through a rough time. It is not wrong for we all need our sisters in Jesus to help us carry our burdens. I believe it becomes sort of an escape mechanism when we are not honest with ourselves about why we do what we do! I am so grateful for all your support that I gave received fom you this last year.
    Blessings XX
    Mia

    • Mia, thank you. That’s exactly what it is, an escape mechanism, as we hide ourselves behind words and the encouragement of others. I yearn for Him to fill me. I am so thankful to be on this journey with you!

  17. Your honest words have blessed me immeasurably. I am calling forth my healing, this has been a most difficult time for me. I know that I am in the palm of His hands. Our words are critical. I have never been in this place before but I choose to trust Him and Praise Him for all things.

    • Joy, I am so thankful that you stopped by today and were encouraged. I will say a prayer for you. I do not know what you are facing, but I know the One who promises to bring you through. May He give you peace and strength as you seek Him.

  18. Barbie – this is a truly beautiful post! I know what it’s like to lose your voice, in fact for years. I wanted to write for many years but for many years I simply didn’t do any. Then, when we came back from our season of serving I finally had a chance to write. I had plenty of time to write, but really couldn’t. I tried and did some, but God kept taking me back into the quiet. To just being there with him. This time has been so crucial to my healing. I’m starting to come out of it now but want to be ready to follow His leading to stay quiet when needed as well. If I need to write during those moments, they are private thoughts in journals as I learn and process with God. It is such a precious time to say yes, even in this, the not writing. May your time continue to be blessed immensely as you seek Him in all things! Standing with you sister to say, “Lord, your will. Thank you for your mercies that are new every morning and thank you for leading me to quiet waters. Fill me with your love.”

  19. Oh, friend! Yes, I too have hidden behind words – I loved the ability and freedom to polish and edit to suit my perfectionist personality. The one area of my chaotic life that I could control. Praying and keeping you close to my heart.

    • Oh yes, but even I am finding that these days I can’t even control that. Thanks for your love and support!

  20. Barbie, I so deeply appreciate your willingness to be honest. To share of what you are going through so that we can all be encouraged, yes, but rally behind you and pray you on, too! Your writing, whether being used as a shield for your emotions or not, is definitely used by God to touch this sinner’s heart. I pray He gives you more comfort and provides healing to the broken places. You are loved, Friend. So loved!

    • Oh Missy, how I’ve missed you. I so appreciate you stopping by and for your prayers. I hope to visit your place again soon.

    • Oh yes, those dreaded layers that He calls us to peel pack. Painful, but so necessary. Thank you for stopping by Lori! Love to see your smiling face.

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