But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)
I’ve had this verse memorized since the day I met Him. I was lost, alone, afraid, broken and abused. I didn’t know or understand the depth of His love for me just yet, but I chose to believe the promises in this scripture.
Lately I feel a little like a butterfly with broken wings, rather than an eagle soaring high above the earth. Unable to fly, I sit, perched among the fragrant flowers, only able to see the beauty that is right in front of me, yet longing to fly high above my circumstances to lay hold of the beauty that awaits me on the other side.
[Tweet “When your wings are broken, you must wait for them to be mended before you can fly again.”]
In this season of brokenness as I am faced with my lack and the desperation of my own heart, I’ve wanted to give up. It’s hard pursuing dreams when all is being stripped away. I hit the ground running fast and hard, but then hit a wall and crashed as burnout sat in. And I’ve wondered, “What was it all for?” My mind races with thoughts and feelings, yet no words are formed and I wonder, “Does any of this really matter?” I reach, I yearn, I cry out, “Have you forsaken me?” as I tuck my dream back into the corner of my heart because the pain of not realizing it may be more than I can bare. I sit alone, lost, confused, questioning, “Did I miss You God?” Unable to move and faced with fear and depression I give in, “Take my brokenness Lord. Use it for Your glory.”
The waiting, it can be hard. So very hard. There have been times of silence so deafening that I fear I will get impatient and move on without Him. But the waiting is not so much about me as it is about Him. There have been things I have had to put on hold, words lost, dreams put on shelves. But those things? They were all for me — my things, my words, my dreams. It’s not about me.
Am I willing to lay them all down for the sake of knowing Him?
I have to trust my life in the hands of the Master Gardener. He allows my wings to remain broken as He draws me into His presence. Unable to take flight, I remain nestled in the garden of His heart. There He speaks tenderly to me, and reminds me that this brokenness that I bring to Him is beautiful. This vessel once filled to overflowing is being stripped of everything she held onto. And my broken wings, they are an offering of beauty. When I have nothing else to give but brokenness, it gives Him permission to begin the healing process.
I know that I can trust Him with my life, He promises to be gentle with my heart. So I will wait for Him to come and strengthen me, to mend my broken wings, so that I can once again take flight and soar with wings as eagles.