This post is part of a 31 day series on change, where I share my reflections in just 5 minutes. To read all of the posts in this series, click here.
I want to thank you for being here, walking with me through my reflections on change and allowing me to share my journey. I hope your heart is being encouraged, no matter what season you find yourself in.
I wanted to share from my heart tonight, more personally, because, well, I’m feeling a little worn out. I’ve been without a job for a week now, and though I want to remain full of faith that a job will come soon, I find myself entertaining thoughts in the back of my mind of the “what if’s”. Having a husband who is also unemployed puts a twist on our circumstances, and there is really nothing else we can do but pray and await God’s provision. I am thankful my husband has side work to keep him busy and bring in some money, but we are waiting on God to pour open the floodgates of heaven and pour out abundant blessings that overflow into our laps.
Aside from the financial issues, I am feeling a little numb. Although I’ve been preparing my heart for some time, because we knew this may be a possibility, still, when it happened, I kind of got the spiritual wind knocked out of me. And honestly, I feel stuck.
When you’ve done something for as long as I have, and you don’t really know how to do anything else, you find yourself not knowing what to do or where to go. And because to me it was a ministry, more than a job, it makes it even harder to walk away. And so all of my feelings get suppressed because I really just don’t want to go there and allow myself to feel. But I know in due time God will bring me through it and I will have to face my feelings head on.
Can a person who feels stuck really be trusting God with her future?
I believe so. God knows and understands the ache in my heart. He knows that if it were up to me, I would have remained. But God, who knows the end from the beginning, must have something on the horizon. I’m His daughter, and He delights to give me good gifts. Until then, I lean, I trust and I let go.
[Tweet “It’s in that place of feeling stuck where all I can do is reach up my hands in surrender.”]
He is worthy of my praise, all the time. It doesn’t matter what life throws at me, God remains the same. And I find so much comfort in knowing that though my circumstances will change, and they will change often, God Himself does not change. He remains the same.
I know these feelings of numbness will pass. I’ve been through extreme life changes before and every time I’ve come through it stronger. But I think sometimes God allows our hearts to grow numb, so that we don’t hurt all at once. I can honestly say that even though there is sadness, it is well with my soul. I know that God has an amazing plan for my life, so I will praise Him, through the tears.
I will welcome this next season with open arms and I will allow Him to come and shift the ground beneath my feet. No longer stuck, I will run the race ahead with excitement and joy, believing there is greater glory that will be given to the One who deserves it all.
*This post was written in over 5 minutes.
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