Thanksgiving has come and gone and we have now entered the Holy season of Advent. It’s a time of much reflection, anticipation and joy as we look forward to Christmas and embrace the hope of the babe who came to save the world.
My heart isn’t quite ready for Advent. I haven’t been doing much of anything over this last week. It’s all I can do to muster up the strength to get myself to work each day. Once home I’m too exhausted to even get online and stay connected in community.
Part of the reason I feel so unprepared for this season is that I know that God desires to do a deep work in my heart. He’s already begun it, but you guys, it’s so painful. When we truly take a step back and look at ourselves and the mess that surrounds us, our eyes are open to the ugliness of our own humanity. I don’t like what I see. I’m a complete mess and feel as if I might crack at any moment. I’m fighting hard to stay in control, yet longing to give up control at the same time. But I can’t have it both ways. It’s not true surrender unless I lay it down and am willing to come away empty handed.
It's not true surrender unless I lay it down and am willing to come away empty handed. #glimpsesofhisbeauty Click To Tweet
I have taken a hard look at my own heart this past week and realize how desperately I need Him. I am broken beyond repair and only He can put me back together again. But I have to be willing to do the hard work. Introspection may look as if it’s self-focused, but unless we allow ourselves to take a good, hard look at who we are, we will be unaware of the person God intended us to be. Introspection is a good thing, as long as we don’t dwell there.Introspection is a good thing, as long as we don't dwell there. #glimpsesofhisbeauty Click To Tweet
This past week I’ve been stuck in that place. I’ve been “me” focused and can feel the downward spiral and it’s frightening. I’m considering contacting my doctor to discuss my emotional state, but there is a part of me that believes I should just be able to pull myself up and get out of the mess. I’ve been in that place before, where I needed help to get up over the cloud that hovers, but is that the right move? I know that something needs to change and I have to come to a place where I can begin to think rationally again about many things. I need faith to arise in my heart and His truth to consume my mind.
In the meantime, I whispers prayers for God to come closer as I prepare my heart the best I know how to receive the promise of hope, joy and a full life.
How can I pray for you my friend? I don’t have much to give right now, but I know God hears my weak prayers. I would love to lift you up.
And now I continue to list the beauty that I’m finding in my every day life.
731. The office decorated for Christmas.
732. A freshly groomed dog.
733. Playing trains with the grandson.
734. Youngest daughter blessing my hearing during worship.
735. Oldest son debuting another song he wrote.
736. A smile from a stranger.
737. Celebrating over 20 years of friendship with my besties.
738. A new cross-body purse won in the gift exchange.
739. Trusting my heart with others.
740. Selling one of our cars – PROVISION!
The Glimpses link up will open at 12:01 AM (PST) each Monday, and will remain open through Noon on Saturday. I am looking forward to reading your posts and visiting your blogs this week!
It is time to share the glimpses of beauty found this week.
Words written, gratitude given, photos taken, things created — anything that reflects the beauty of God revealed in your ordinary life.
1. Grab the button to place in your post, or simply link back here.
2. Link up with the post permalink, and not just your blog url.
3. Visit and encourage others who link up. We need each other!
4. Share about the link up on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
5. Use the hashtag #glimpsesofhisbeauty so that we can find each other’s posts.