I’ve been wanting to write this letter for a while. My heart is so full of things that I want to tell you. I know that I cannot change the past, but I hope that this letter will somehow allow us both to continue to walk in healing.
Do you remember when you were a little girl, maybe 4 or 5 years old, how you would huddle in a corner by yourself? Do you remember how you felt uncared for and wondered why no one was paying attention to you? I understand how your heart felt in those moments. I understand how you wished you could have disappeared and not have to endure the pain of living one more day wondering why you weren’t loved.
Oh precious one, I am here to tell you that you are loved. And in those moments when you were just a little one, screaming on the inside, “would someone just love me”, there was One who was as close as your very breath. Did you feel Him? Did He speak to your heart when you felt alone and confused?
Do you remember when you were a young girl of 13, how much you desired to be loved and accepted? Do you remember you promised you would not give yourself away before marriage? You didn’t know the Lord then, but He was with you. Do you remember that fateful night when you were unsure you wanted to go through with it, and before you knew it you were taken, unable to change your mind?
Oh precious one, His heart grieved for you on that night. And ever other night when you were left feeling used and abused. He was there. I know you didn’t feel Him then. How could you know what it felt like to experience “real love”, when you had not yet been introduced to it? Do you remember how you felt trapped, always having to prove your love? He was there, in the darkness of the night when you cried yourself to sleep because you were left feeling empty and scared?
Do you remember that day when He came to you? How He called your name and your heart skipped a beat and you left your seat and nearly knocked over the deacon in the isle to meet Him at the alter? Do you remember how you felt, so full of love as you laid your sin and shame at the foot of the cross? He was there. Oh was He there, waiting for you. Do you remember how He whispered His love to your heart and gave you His love letter to read? And how you couldn’t get enough?
On that day you experienced true love. Yet over time the darkness of the past would creep up and your youthful shame would find it’s place once again in your heart. Your journey of love has been laden with guilt and shame and feelings of unworthiness. For I know this because you are me, and together we walk this journey.
I wish I had words of wisdom for your heart today. But all I can offer you is what I know to be true in my mind, but yearn for the day my heart catches up with this truth,
“God loves you.”
Really and truly, He does . And your worth and value have nothing to do with your past. I know that all of your hurt and shame came from a time in your life before He came to you, before He called you. Do you understand His forgiveness? Do you understand that He has taken your sin and removed it from his memory, as far as the east is from the west?
He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.
If I could speak to your heart today, young one, I would tell you,
He loves you.
He desires you.
He cherishes you.
He has redeemed you.
He has forgiven you.
He will never leave you.
He will never turn His back on you.
Would you allow these truths to seep into your heart today? I know it will not change the past but it will help to shape your further as you continue walking in the reality that you are a chosen daughter of the King of Kings. And that you matter. And that you are deeply loved.
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I am linking up with Bonnie the Faith Barista for Faith Jam, serving up the topic of a letter to my younger self. Although this is not what I intended to write, this is what I feel God wants me to share it. I am praying it will speak to your heart as it has to my own.
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